


The Spider and the Asgardian(s)

by rosesareredvioletsareblue



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bisexual Peter Parker, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Deaf Clint Barton, Even though Thor has his hammer, Everyone has a crush on Thor, Flash is a dick, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, I haven't thought it through yet, I'm keeping the hammer, It's hammer time, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is god of fashion, May needs a vacation, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Pepper needs a vacation, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter and May have a crush on Thor, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Thor is god of women, Tony Stark Has A Heart, appreciate my queen May Parker, nothing will change my mind about that try me bitch, she puts up with everyone's shit, there might be violence in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesareredvioletsareblue/pseuds/rosesareredvioletsareblue
Summary: When Thor drags Loki to apologize to they Avengers, they expect yelling, screaming, and at least some light threatening.Enter Peter Parker.





	1. The Introduction: Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, adding to my other stories? I've never heard of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched the panel at Comic Con with Tom Holland, Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie, and Tom Holland really likes to use that scene against us apparently. What did we ever do to you, Tom?

    Loki thought he didn’t need anyone. He pushed people away because it was safer. He pushed away his father, his mother, his brother, anyone who dared to care for him. To many have been hurt by his actions, so it’s better to push them away. Right? Even when he reconciled with his brother, Loki still tried to shove him away. Thor wouldn’t let him. And when Thor suggested that they go to the Avengers Compound to make amends, Loki feigned distaste. He pretended to be the same Loki that attacked New York all of those years ago. But his brother could see through the illusions now.

”Please Brother?” Thor begged. 

“Why would they want to see me?” The trickster protested, glaring at the other god.

”Because you’re different now! You aren’t being tortured-“

”What do you call this conversation?”

”-and you owe me one!” Loki stared at his brother, confused. 

“Beg your pardon?”

”Remember when I watched you die for the third time? And the second time? And the-“

”Okay!” He interrupted. Thor smirked. “I’ll go.” The Thunder god clapped his hands together. 

"Excellent!" Thor looked at his brother expectantly. Loki sighed. 

"4 to 5 seconds." Thor's face lit up.

"I can hug you for 45 seconds?" Thor grabbed his arm and Loki froze. 

"No!" He panicked, backing away from his brother. "Never mind!" Thor laughed and summoned the Bifrost with his hammer.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Please Mr Stark?" Peter begged his mentor during lab one day. 

"No. I am not showing you a video of you turning to dust. We lived through that already." Tony glared at the kid, using all of his willpower to not give in to the puppy face. 

"But I'm curious!" 

"That's awesome. Congrats Pete." Tony replied sarcastically.

"Pretty please?" the teen asked, fiddling with his webshooters. 

"No chance in hell." 

"Why?"

"Why? Are you seriously asking me why I don't want to watch a video of you dying in my arms? Cause I will have nightmares about that moment for the rest of my life, that's why."

Peter pouted, and then stopped. 

"Mr Stark-"

"I swear to God kid, I will kick you out and ban you if you say 'I don't want to go'." 

"Wasn't going to. Thor's here." Tony's eyes widened. 

"How the hell did you know that?" Peter smirked and tapped his ear.

"Spidey senses. They're having an argument on the roof." The teen covered his ears. "Boy, they're loud."

"They?" 

"Oh yeah. Loki's here too." Tony's project slid out of his hand and smashed into pieces on the floor. 

"Fuuuck." Tony groaned. 

"Can I meet Thor?" Peter piqued up hopefully. 

"I guess. If you want to meet Reindeer Games too." Tony replied, ruffling the kid's curls. 

"Oh I want to. Ben used to say that he was one of the most interesting villains ever. And last week I discovered his huge fandom on Tumblr."

Tony stared at him. "Christ kid. Was it a wormhole?" 

"Oh yeah, it was awesome! I have to drag you in later." The two began to walk towards the roof.

"We can't later. Pepper's making us eat and get out of the lab, and you wanted to watch the Buzzfeed video about the Missouri douchebag." Peter took a second to translate. 

"Buzzfeed: Unsolved about Star Lord?" 

"Is that his name?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Wow. What a pretentious prick."

"I liked him." 

"You can't like everyone."

"I don't!" Peter protested.

"Really? Who don't you like?" 

"Flash? And,uh, some bad guys?" Tony snorted. 

"I'm not a fan of you, at the moment." Peter joked, leaning into his mentor. Tony smiled and gave him a side hug. 

     

   When they reached the roof, Thor and Loki's argument was in full effect. Tony and Peter waited for a few minutes to see if they would stop, but the yelling got louder. Eventually, Loki stabbed Thor. 

"Wow. It's been a while since you've done that, brother."

"You were pissing me off!" Tony cleared his throat. 

"Um, hi?" He weakly waved while Peter stared at Thor, mouth ajar. 

"Hello Stark!" The thunder god boomed, clapping his old friend on the back. "It's so good to see you!"

"You too, Pointbreak. What brings you to New York?" 

"Um, hi?" Peter gained his voice. He was still fangirling inside. May had a framed picture of Thor in their living room, and he had been brought up to worship the 'Hottest Avenger'. Ben agreed. Peter wanted to keep that picture up forever, but May takes it down whenever Tony comes to their house. 

"Hi. I'm Spider-Parker." Peter stumbled. "I mean Peter-Man. Spider Peter?" Peter sighed. "Mr Stark, help." 

"Peter." Tony saved him. "This is Peter." Thor looked at him with pride.

"Well done, Stark!" Peter and Tony looked at each other, and back to Thor. Tony spoke first. 

"What?"

"Your son!" Tony stared back at the god.

"What?" Thor laughed. 

"Peter, your son! He looks just like you!" Peter blushed and ducked his head.  

"Peter isn't my son!" Tony shouted back. "You think I'm responsible enough to have a kid?"

Thor covered Peter's ears. 

"Don't say that in front of him! Stark, you shouldn't speak to your children that way!" Loki, as much as he's been enjoying the humiliation of the billionaire, just wants to get this over with. Then Peter looked at him and smiled. Loki's chest filled with warmth. Who was this kid?

"You're Loki, right?" Loki just nodded, staring at the boy. Peter wiggled free from Thor's grip. 

"Yes, Son of Stark!" Thor boomed.

"Listen up, Sparkles-"

"Aren't you supposed to be a bad guy?" Peter interupted innocently. the trickster looked at him alarmed. 

"Why yes. Depending on the day." 

"Depending on never." Thor rolled his eyes. "You aren't bad anymore, brother."

"I've killed millions, Thor." 

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't change."

Tony raised his hand. "Yeah, I'm going to agree with Prancer over here. He's killed a lot of people. And we just watched him stab Thor."

"Oh, this little thing?" Thor pulled out the dagger and threw it. "I don't even feel it anymore." 

Tony and Peter stared at him.

"That doesn't make it okay!" Tony cried.

"Anyway," Peter intervened, "Mr Thor said he changed." He held his hand out to Loki. "It's nice to meet you, Mr Loki." 

Loki stared at his hand. He tentatively put his hand in Peters, and Peter shook it. The warm feeling erupted in his chest again. Whatever it was, he hated it. Definitely hated it. Tony invited the gods inside, pulling Peter away from Loki. When the two had left, Loki turned toward his brother.

"I like him." Thor laughed. 

"Me too, brother."


	2. The Introduction: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I originally posted this chapter a few hours ago, but someone told me that it was really close to another fic. If you read it and it was, I am so sorry. I found a few prompts on Tumblr and Pinterest that I wanted to use and I guess other people used them too. I'm sorry again. The prompt was Loki's evilness scale, and Peter asks him how he is on a scale of 1 to 10. I'll fix that part, but I think that I'm still going to post it when I finish fixing it. I'm so sorry again. 
> 
>  
> 
> (WARNING: Slight description of a gunshot wound. No detail, it's just kind of there.)
> 
> (PS: I have nothing agains Matt Damon. Sorry, I just think Loki would have a grudge since he technically worked with him)

Thor and Loki stayed at the Compound for a week. Loki really preferred being dead to this. Except Peter. He liked Peter. One day Peter sat down next to him. 

 

"So," Peter started, sliding on the couch. "You're a bad guy, right?" Loki stared at him.

 

"Depends on the day."  Thor laughed.

 

“He’s not, young Parker.” He laughed, slapping his knee for emphasis. Loki rolled his eyes.

 

"Okay. Since you think you’re a bad guy,” Loki groaned. “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst thing imaginable, like," Peter took a second to think. “I don’t know. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?" Loki shrugged. 

 

"I killed eighty people in three days. Peter paled.

 

“Well that’s not great.”

 

“I didn’t have a problem with it.” Thor snorted.

 

“You can’t possibly believe that, brother.”

 

"Whatever.” Loki grumbled, sliding deeper into the couch. 

 

“What’s the least violent thing you’ve ever done?” Peter asked.

 

“I stab my brother from time to time.” Peter ogled at him, confused.

 

“I’d still say that’s pretty violent. And it looked like it hurt when you stabbed him of the roof.”

  
“It could not have possibly hurt. I used my fun knife.”

 

“It didn’t hurt. I’ve grown used to it by now.” Thor sighed, reminiscing. 

 

“Yeah, that’s not a good thing.” Peter winced. “But say, like ten is, killing eighty people in three days.”

 

“I’m actually quite proud of that.” Peter’s face lit up in panic. “I’m joking, I swear on Odin’s beard.” 

 

“When he writes plays for New Asgard he’s a horrible director!” Thor suggested.

 

“Do you think it’s easy?” Loki screamed.

 

“Okay, so one is, I don’t know, firing one of your actors? How do the plays work?” Peter asked, curious.

 

“Well, you say hiring. I also say hiring. Technically the Midguardian Police call it kidnapping.”

 

“You kidnapped a man from Australia because he looked like me.” Thor added.

 

“You were a key element to the play! And you were galavanting through the Nine Worlds so I couldn’t use you!” 

 

“You also kidnapped a very famous actor! That’s not allowed!” 

 

“What actor?” Peter pulled out his phone to google who it was.

 

“I think his name was.. Damien? Damien Mathews? Or it could be Matthew Damien.”

 

“Matt Damon?”

 

“Yeah, him. Horrible guy really. He didn’t like the script, or the character.”

 

“Who was the character?”

 

“The most honorable hero that Asgard has ever know.” Loki sighed, looking smug.

 

“Him. It was him.” Thor said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Why do you ruin everything, brother?”

 

“Cool, so if ten is, killing eighty people in three days, and one is kidnapping Matt Damon, where would you be right now?”

 

“Maybe a two or a three? I’m not feeling particularly violent at the moment.”

 

“Awesome. Can you tell me if you get above a six? Cause I want to help you.”

 

“Sure.” Loki said, with a soft smile.

 

“Great! See you at dinner! I have to go to target with my aunt.” Peter waved and ran out of the room. 

 

“What just happened?” Loki asked, looking over at his brother.

 

“You just made a friend!” He replied, squeezing Loki’s shoulder. The younger god groaned

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Everyday, Peter would ask Loki where he was. And everyday Loki would answer honestly. If it was ever above a six, Peter would spend the day with Loki and talk to him. He asked questions about magic and life in Asgard. He asked him about his favorite Pop Tart flavor, or he would just take him for a walk around Central Park. Thor was proud of him.

 

"It's like therapy, brother." He told his younger brother, opening a box of Pop Tarts. 

 

"No, it's not. And would you please stop eating those?" Thor shoved one in his mouth.

 

"What do you mean?" he mumbled, crumbs spilling out of his mouth. Loki scrunched up his face in disgust. 

 

"Never mind." 

 

"I just think that it's good that you're bonding with a mortal." 

 

"I'm not bonding with him." the god rolled his eyes as his brother ate another Pop Tart. 

 

"Of course you're not." The thunderer replied sarcastically. "Come on, we have to go."

 

"Go where?"

 

"Peter has a game of some sort." Thor replied, shoving Pop Tarts in his pockets. 

 

"You have a problem." Loki noted, pointing to the pile-up of empty Pop Tart boxes in the corner.

 

"I can't help it, brother! They're insanely good." Loki sighed.

 

"You disgust me."

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The 'game' turned out to be an Academic Decathlon match. Neither of the Asgardians knew what that was. After a very long phone call from Tony screaming about the Bifrost mark on his carpet, Thor and Loki went to look for Peter. They finally found him talking to a woman in a hall. Thor approached him first. 

 

  "Young Parker!" Thor dragged Loki over to Peter and the woman. The woman stared at him, mouth agape. Peter laughed. 

 

"Hi Mr Thor! Hi Mr Loki!" Loki nodded in acknowledgment. "How are you feeling today?" Loki shrugged.

 

"3.5."

 

"That's awesome!" Peter cheered. "This is my Aunt May. May, this is Mr Thor and Mr Loki." May just nodded. Finally, she snapped out of it. 

 

"Hi, I'm May." she started to pet Thor's abs. "You. You are very attractive." Peter dragged her back.

 

"Yeah, she's usually not like this." Peter apologized, "She's had a crush on you for a long time." 

 

"Peter!" May hissed, "Don't act like you haven't either!"  Thor just laughed. 

 

"It's okay, I'm used to it by now." Loki rolled his eyes. 

 

"Because it happens everywhere we go."

 

"I'm sorry you're just not the Strongest Avenger, brother." Thor retorted, squeezing his brother's shoulder. 

 

"I'm not an Avenger." Thor just laughed. 

 

"Of course not, brother." Loki sighed. There was silence for a few seconds. 

 

"Well." May started, "we should probably sit down before-"

 

"Hey Point Break! Reindeer Games!" Tony entered with a scene, as usual. He froze when he saw May. 

 

"May! How lovely to see you again." He backed up away from the child and his aunt.

 

"I saw you yesterday for our 'Peter Safety' meeting." she said, ignoring Peter's protests. 

 

"May!"

 

"Yeah, are we on for our 'Co-Parenting Functioning Dinner' tomorrow?" He asked, slipping his sunglasses in his pocket.

 

"Mr Stark!" Thor and Loki shared a glance.

 

"Why do you have meeting to discuss the safety of your interns?" Loki asked, two seconds before Thor burst out

 

"Peter's not your son?" 

May and Tony looked at Peter. He nodded no. 

"Classified info, Rock of Ages." 

 

"I can kill you in ten different ways."

 

"And no, Mr Meteorologist, Pete's not my kid. We discussed this already." Thor nodded.

 

"Are you sure?" 

 

"Anyway," Peter said loudly, "I've got to go, see you guys later!" 

 

"Good luck, kiddo!" Tony yelled after him. Peter dramatically groaned ass he ran away, waving back at the group. May sighed. 

 

"God, I love that kid." The rest of the group murmured in agreement as they walked over towards their seats.

 

   A man walked up to the microphone and started the match. "Hello Parents, Guardians, and Friends! Welcome to Midtown High School of Science and Technology! Today we are hosting Bronx Science-" the man was interrupted by boos from the half of the audience, including May and Tony. The brothers shared a glance, confused.

"Alright! Alright! Take it easy, please!" He said, calming down the crowd. "Welcome to the Semi-Finals of our Academic Decathlon! I am your host, Principal Morita." He began to talk about the rules. Loki started to doze off. He woke up when Thor shocked him a little. 

 

"Hey!" He scooted away from his brother. 

 

"Pay attention!" Thor replied, pointing towards Peter answering a question. The crowd clapped. "Well done Son of Stark!" Thor yelled. Loki pulled his shirt. 

 

"What is wrong with you?" He asked, glancing up at Peter and Tony's matching mortified faces. May was just hysterically laughing. 

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"We already classified that Peter isn't Stark's child."

 

"I am aware, Loki." Thor huffed. "But do you see them?" He gestured half heartedly to Peter and Tony's still matching mortified faces.

 

Loki used magic to seal his brother's mouth shut, ignoring his muffled protests. 

 

When the match was over, Peter ran up to his Aunt, carrying his book bag. 

 

"May, I have to-" He glanced quickly at Thor and Loki, biting his lip. "Um, study. I have to study here, with the team." May shook her head.

 

"You're going to go anyway." She sighed and patted his head. 

 

"Thanks love you! Bye guys, see you later!" He waved and sprinted off, pulling something red out of his bag. 

 

"Remember the rules!" Tony called after him, sighing dramatically. "He'll be fine. You guys want to grab lunch and wait for the kid?"

 

"Sorry, Tony. I've got a shift at the hospital in 20 minutes." May said, picking up her purse. "Call me when Peter gets back. It was nice meeting the both of you!" She shook the god's hands, lingering a moment to long on Thor's. "Bye!" Tony's phone buzzed suddenly. He looked down at it and sighed.

 

 "Well, I hope you guys are hungry, cause I've got thirty seven half pepperoni half pineapple pizzas currently at the tower and an angry fiancée who demands an explanation." The gods looked at each other. 

 

"Starved." Loki replied, smirking.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   After all of the pizzas devoured, (mostly by Thor), the trio sat down to watch a movie. 

 

"What haven't you seen?" Tony asked, flipping through Netflix. 

 

"That one looks fun!" Thor pointed to the poster for Pixar's 'Coco', which, Tony will admit, made him cry a little bit. Peter teased him for a week about it. 

 

"Are you sure? Cause-" 

 

"Boss," FRIDAY interrupted, "Peter Parker has returned, attempting to hide several injuries and told me not to tell you."

 

"Tattletale!" Peter yelled, clutching his leg, specifically a large red spot that kept growing. The three men jumped out of their seats. "Um.. hi? What's up, Mr Stark? Mr Loki? Mr Thor?" 

 

Loki's blood boiled. "8." He whispered to his brother. Lightning struck through the sky.

 

"Kid? What happened?" Tony asked, trying to help Peter up, who was currently leaning against the wall. He let out a hiss of pain. 

"Not much. Just the usual." He looked at Thor and Loki. "You guys can go to bed if you want. I'm perfectly fine." He tried to stand and instantly yelped in pain. "Well, maybe not perfect, but-"

 

"Who did this to you?" Loki seethed, summoning a knife. Peter's eyes widened. 

 

"No one, I swear. They're already with the cops, so we're all good. It's just a minor inconvenience, go back to your regularly scheduled programing." 

 

"Peter." Thor boomed, lighting streaking through the sky. "Explain." Peter gulped.

 

"Well, it's kind of a long story."

 

"Then you can tell it after you're checked out and I call Aunt Hottie. I don't want to explain to Pepper why my favorite intern is bleeding out on my tower floor." 

 

"Fine." Peter huffed. "Just help me up and I can walk." Tony did, and preceded to immediately catch him as he fainted.

 

"Minor inconvenience my ass." Tony grunted. "Can one of you carry him instead of planning out an assassination?" Thor complied, gently picking him up and carrying him to the Med Bay. Tony snickered. "FRIDAY, take a picture and send it to...the friend. Christ, what's his name? With the legos and the Star Wars?" 

 

"Ned Leeds, Boss." 

 

"Yeah, him."

 

"On it." Tony laughed. 

 

"Sorry, Underoos." He murmured to himself. "You'll thank me later." He followed Thor to the Med Bay, praying to whatever gods that weren't currently in his house that his kid come out of this okay. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 When Peter woke up, he found he was in his room at the tower. He sighed, bracing himself for the grounding of a lifetime. Instead, he was met with Loki. 

 

"I was an 8." He said, summoning a dagger in and out of the room, protective anger flashing in his eyes. 

 

"I'm sorry." Peter said, sitting up in his bed. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Loki either didn't hear his question or chose to ignore it. Peter optimistically chose the former. 

 

"How did you get shot?" the god asked, staring at Peter's bandaged leg.

 

"Well," Peter said, "I tried to disarm a mugger who attacked someone." he fibbed, smiling. "Maybe I should've listened to John Mulaney."

 

Loki nodded. "Go back to sleep."

 

"You know, it wasn't even that bad of an inj-" Loki put him under a spell, promising himself he'd apologize for it later. 

 

  When Peter woke up again, he actually woke up to the grounding of a lifetime. 

 

"You were shot?" May screamed, pacing angrily around his room. 

 

"Hey, May. What's up?" Peter tried to act normal, failing spectacularly. 

 

"Let me get this straight." 

 

"Nothing I do is ever straight." May glared at him. "Sorry."

 

"Well, let me pass this  _ bi _ you. See what I did there?"

 

"I'm so proud of that May, you have no idea."

 

"Thanks, I thought of it while you were  _ recovering from a gunshot wound. _ " Peter coughed. 

 

"Was the girl okay?" Peter asked sheepishly.

 

"Yes, all thanks to you. If you had gotten there a second later-" 

 

"I know." May sat down next to him. 

 

"Dr Cho says that your wound is all healed, but she's putting you on some antibiotics just to be safe." Peter nodded. 

 

"Hey." May said, a motherly tone filling her voice. "I larb you." Peter chuckled.

 

"Larb you too, May." 

 

"Good. Good." she sat up. "Cause you're grounded." Her nephew sighed. 

 

"I saw that coming." Suddenly, the door swung open.

 

"A gunshot wound?" Tony screamed, slamming the door behind him. "You almost died-"

"It wasn't close to anything fatal! It was just a flesh wound!" Peter protested, sighing dramatically. 

 

"Yeah, but you could've told me you were shot!" Tony spat back, resisting every urge to wrap his kid in bubble wrap and slap a 'FRAGILE' sticker on his forehead. 

 

"But the bullet went right through me!" Peter yelled, regretting it the moment it came out of his mouth.

 

"That doesn't make it better!" May and Tony yelled at the same time. They glanced at each other.

 

"Okay, but Spiderman-" Peter quickly looked for Loki and Thor before continuing. "But I have a healing factor! Are we all forgetting that?"

 

"It's not forgetting it, but choosing to ignore it." Tony said, sitting on the other side of Peter.

 

"Spiderman may have a healing factor, but Peter Parker doesn't." May added.

 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he does." Peter said, reminiscing. " I would know, since I'm both of them." 

 

"Please stop reminding me of that." May begged. 

 

"What happened, Underoos?" Tony asked, nudging Peter's shoulder with his own.  

 

"A lady was being mugged in an alley off of the corner of 1st and 13th." He told them, shivering. His co parents wrapped him in a hug. "I webbed him up, took her stuff back, and told the lady to run, which she did. Karen called the cops, but my aim was off for some reason while I webbed him, and half of his body was free, so he took his free hand, grabbed his gun, and shot me in the leg. It wasn't a fun experience, I don't recommend." 

 

"Yeah, no shit." Tony smirked, fluffing his hair. May kissed him on the forehead. 

 

"That's my favorite superhero." She said, smiling down at him. Peter smiled back. Tony coughed.

 

"Excuse you, May. I'm right here." 

 

"Relax. You're in my top five." 

 

"Who the hell are the others in front of me?" Tony asked, confused. 

 

"Let's see. Pete, want to give me a hand here?" Peter bit his lip.

 

"Uh, if I'm first, and Thor's second-"

 

"Get the hell out of my tower."

 

"I don't know the others though." May laughed.

 

"Pepper's third, Rhodey's fourth, and our gracious host is fifth." 

 

"Okay, you've got me there." Tony admitted. Peter laughed. Scuffling outside the door interrupted them. 

 

"What are they doing?" May asked, wincing at the screaming.  

 

"Ah. Brotherly love." Tony sighed. They all shot up at the distinct sound of a knife being unsheathed. 

 

"Yeah, nope, nope, nope." Peter ran to the door and flung it open. Thor fell in on top of Loki, pushing a dagger out of his hand and across the room. Tony stepped on it.

 

"What is the rule about stabbing in my tower?" Tony asked, picking up the lost weapon. 

 

"Don't do it." Loki mumbled. 

 

"Actually, can I talk to these guys?" Peter asked, pulling on May's arm. She nodded and dragged Tony out of the room. 

 

"Sure honey. Call me if you need anything. I'm going to call Pepper cause a certain billionaire is freaking out."

 

"I'm not freaking out." Tony protested. "What if something goes wrong and Peter's leg starts bleeding-"

 

"It healed!" 

 

"And these two aren't doctors!" 

 

"These two?" Loki pulled himself up. "I'd watch your next words very carefully Stark." 

 

"You're not a medical doctor anyway, Tony." May sighed. 

 

"Fine. Fine. Peter tell FRIDAY of you need anything. I'm going to try not to panic." Tony stormed out of the room.

"I'll take care of him." May assured Peter, giving him a quick hug. She closed the door. Peter spun towards the gods.

 

"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to look like May did when she wanted to know how he was. He tried to raise his eyebrows concernedly.

 

"Loki? Do you want to tell him?" Thor nudged his brother. 

 

"Not particularly." Thor sighed.

 

"Would you feel better if I left?" Loki nodded. Thor waved to his brother and walked out.

 

"I'm sorry for putting you under the sleeping spell." He spilled out, moving next to Peter. "You just looked tired and I'm trying to be better and I was just trying to help."

"It's okay." Peter reassured, smiling brightly. "What happened?" Loki sighed.

 

"I'm not good with feelings. Thor tries to get me to tell him mine all of the time." He admitted, sighing.

 

"That's okay, you don't need to be. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." Loki nodded.

 

"I think...you do this thing where you make everyone you ever meet have this..this feeling!" Peter just stared at him.

 

"What feeling?"

 

"Everyone just needs to protect you, because you're young and irresponsible!"

 

"Well I wouldn't say I'm irresponsible-"

 

"And then you got hurt, and I couldn't protect you. I failed you, and I got really really angry." Loki exhaled with a hint of finality.

 

"Wow." Peter's eyes welled up. "Thank you. I'll always be safe, I promise. If it makes you feel better, you can go to the next co-parent meeting. I'm sure May and Mr Stark wouldn't mind." Loki smiled. 

 

"Thank you, Peter." Loki tried to walk away.

 

"Wait!" Peter shot up next to him. "I have...uh, emotional jumper cables!" Loki stared at him.

 

"What?" 

 

"Yeah, yeah! I can just do, like, this, and, you're attached!" Suddenly, Peter pulled him into a big hug. Loki froze.

 

"What. Is. This." 

 

"Um, a hug?" 

 

"Disgusting." Peter pulled away, blushing.

 

"I'm sorry, Mr Loki you just looked like you needed one and-" 

 

"Do it again." Peter smiled and obeyed. And for the first time in a long time, Loki started to relax.

 

"I told you that you were bonding with a mortal, brother." Thor smiled and let himself in. 

 

"Shut up, brother." Loki laughed, letting himself hug Peter back.


	3. The Great Pumpkin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!! I saw another prompt on tumblr about Tony letting his employees kids trick or treat, and I thought it was adorable so I used it. Thank you all for your comments!! Keep them positive please!! Enjoy!!
> 
> (Also I realize it’s on November 1st, by the time I finished editing it was 12:37 am)
> 
> (This chapter doesn't have much Asgardians and Peter bonding, or much Asgardians at all, but it's my story so I can do what I want. The Thanksgiving Special will have lots of Asgardians, and so will the Christmas one. And you know, the other chapters.)
> 
> (Also ignore the weird spacing idk what is wrong with my computer)

 

 

May woke up really early on Halloween morning. She quietly shut off her phone’s alarm at the ungodly hour of 5 am, and sneaked into the kitchen. Every year, she and Peter saw who could prank the other more. May was determined to win this year. She hasn’t won since the spider bite. Stupid Spidey-Sense. She snuck into the kitchen and grabbed the Kool-Aid and Jello she made last night, and walked into Peter’s room, wincing as the door squeaked and closed behind her. Gently, May took the cherry Jello and put small handfulls of it all around Peter’s room, adding more and more leading to his closet. She sprinkled the Kool-Aid all around the closet, stepped into the closet, and waited.

 

Peter woke up on Halloween and looked around, laughing.

 

“I can hear you breathing, May.” May cursed and stepped out of the closet.

 

“Was it a little scary?” She asked, sitting down next to him.

 

“You’re never going to beat me, you know.”  He smirked. “I’m Spider-Man.”

 

“That’s terrifying. Please stop reminding me of that.” May laughed, pulling him into a hug. “Happy Halloween, sweetheart.”

 

“Happy Halloween, May.” Peter smiled widely. “Do you have any Jello left?”

 

“Only in the spooky colors.” Peter frowned.

 

“The spooky colors are gross.”

 

“All Jello is gross.” May protested. “I only bought it because of this, and it didn’t even work!” Peter laughed. May smirked. “I’ll race you to the spooky cereal, though.” Peter froze.

 

“You’re on.” He raced to the door, screaming as a life size doll drenched in red dye fell out of the door frame and collapsed on top of him. May pulled out her phone.

 

“May, one. Peter zero.” She laughed. A web pulled her phone out of her hands. “Hey! No webbing in the house!” Peter snickered.

 

“May, one. Peter one.” He typed.

 

“What does that mean?” She asked, pulling her nephew off of the ground. Peter smirked.

 

“It means we’re tied.” May sighed.

 

“Get dressed, cause you need to go to the scariest place of all: high school.”, she laughed evilly. Peter paled.

 

“Yes. You win. May two, Peter one. Do I still have to go in?” Peter begged. “I’m really about to drop out.”

 

“Sorry, honey. You’ve missed too many days already.” Peter groaned dramatically.

 

“But I have a Spanish test today. What kind of monster schedules a test on Halloween?”

 

“Don’t call your Spanish teacher a monster.”   

 

“It’s the annual day of spooks, May! Can I please stay home?” He begged, pulling out the puppy eyes. May covered her eyes with her hand.

 

“Nope. I’ve learned to deflect all of your tricks, kiddo. I’ve lived with you for your entire life.” Peter sighed.

 

“Damn it.” May laughed.

 

“When is your test anyway?” She asked, pulling him into the kitchen.

 

“Fourth Period.” He pulled out the Count Chocula from the cabinet, and poured some into two bowls.

 

“How about I pick you up after that? Either me or Tony, and then we’ll steal his full sized candy bars and watch the Great Pumpkin. Deal?” She extended her hand.

 

“Can we also get Thai?”

 

“Definitely. You thought I would cook on the best holiday of the year?” Peter laughed and shook her hand.

 

“It’s going to be spooktacular, May.” He slurped down the rest of his cereal. “Love you!” He yelled, running out the door. May sighed and opened the fridge to put the milk back, when she got attacked by a web grenade. She screamed and dodged it.

 

“Fine. May two, Peter two.” She sighed.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Trick or Treat!” a girl in an business outfit and a red wig smiled brightly when Loki opened up the door.

 

“What?”

 

“Trick or Treat?” She asked again. “You know, cause Halloween?” Loki looked around.

 

“A hollow weed? What’s a hollow weed?” Suddenly, Tony sprinted down the stairs. Loki stared at him.

 

“I’m here, I’m here and holy shit you’re adorable!” He squealed, shaking the girl’s hand.

 

“Thank you, Mr Stark!” she said, holding out her basket. “Is it okay if I’m Ms Potts instead of Iron Man because my mommy says that she's done more for the company?” Tony laughed.

 

“Yes. I one hundred percent agree. You’re my favorite person I’ve seen all day.” She smiled.

 

“Thanks Mr Stark!” She exclaimed. Tony started freaking out.

 

“Holy crap I need a picture with you.” He spun around and tossed his phone at Loki. “I hope Pete told you how to use that.” Loki grumbled and took the picture. The girl gave Tony a hug. He froze.

 

“Okay just take it all.” He dumped about 13 bags of full sized candy bars into the girl’s basket. “Do your parents work here?” She nodded.

 

“My mommy is in security and my daddy is an accountant.” Tony smiled.

 

“Okay. Maybe you can meet the lovely Ms Potts later, then.” The girls face lit up.

 

“Thank you!” She ran towards the elevator, and Loki closed the door.

 

“What?” He asked, spinning towards the billionaire. “What’s a hollow weed?”

 

“Halloween.” Tony corrected. “It’s a holiday. Kids dress up in costumes and go around looking for candy and adults try to scare each other.”

 

“Why was she just here? I thought this was private.” Loki said, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“It is. I let my employees bring their kids to trick or treat here on Halloween.”

 

“But is it safe?” a little bit of worry crept into Loki’s tone. He coughed, trying to play it off.

 

“What do I look like, an idiot?” Tony gasped, aghast. “FRIDAY runs full body scans and background checks before people even walk through the door, and she alerts me when someone not on the personal database is coming up.” Loki nodded. Suddenly a knock rang on the door. Loki glared at Tony.

 

“Is that supposed to happen?”

 

“Did you hear anything I just said? It’s probably Pepper-”

 

“Doing her job.”

 

“Or Rhodey-”

 

“Doing his job.”

 

“Or Peter, but it can’t be him because he’s in school and he’s grounded if he misses anymore school because of the internship.”

 

“Okay, so someone hacked into your system.”

 

“No one can hack into your system.”

 

“Actually,” May interrupted, opening the door, “Peter- stop screaming it’s just me. Peter and Ned did. A couple of times.”

 

“How did you get in?” Tony sputtered.

 

“Pepper gave me a key.”

 

“Of course she did.” he muttered. “What brings you here, May? I thought you guys were coming over later to steal my candy because you won’t let me buy good candy for you.”

 

“So you know how Peter and I do the prank thing?” She asked.

 

“What is this holiday?” Loki cried, exasperated.

 

“Yeah.” Tony smirked. “I think I helped him win last year, correct?” May glared at him. “I’m sorry, please don’t kill me.”

 

“Anyway, you’re going to help me win this year.” Tony smiled awkwardly. “Oh my god, you already promised him, didn’t you.”

 

“To be fair, he asked me first.” May sighed.

 

“Fine. You’re helping both of us, then. I don’t want to make him suspicious.”

 

“May, I-”

 

“You’re helping me or you’re grounded.” Tony stared at her.

 

“Well, that’s a threat.” Loki said, trying to break the tension.

 

“I’m aware, Blitzen.” Tony said, glaring at the god. “And anyway, you can’t ground me! I’m a grown man.”

 

“Okay, but your fiancée is my best friend.” Tony nodded.

 

“Cool, threat acknowledged.”

 

“What were you thinking of doing?” Loki asked, intrigued. She smirked and whispered in his ear. He laughed.

 

“I can definitely help you with that.” Tony whipped his head back and forth, trying to translate their mischievous smiles.

 

“Hey, guests in the tower that I conveniently own, what the hell are you talking about?” May snickered.

 

“Sorry, Tony. You’re off the team.”

 

“I didn’t even want to be on the team!” May turned to Loki.

 

“Can you and Thor pick Peter up from school?” She asked, ignoring Tony’s protests.

 

“Of course, Mrs Parker.” Loki nodded. “I’ll go tell my brother now, he’ll be very excited.” he left to tell his brother. May ducked her head to hide her blush.

 

“Oh come on, May. I’m at least as attractive as Thor.” May didn’t reply. “Please tell me you didn’t have this conversation with Pepper.”

 

“She loves you so much Tony, and it’s not my place to tell you where she stands on this.”

 

“Whatever. I don’t want to know. I’m going to scare your socks off, May Parker.” She rolled her eyes.

 

“Buy Three Musketeers bars.” She walked out and slammed the door.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

While that was going on, Peter was panicking. He freaking hated Spanish, and didn’t want to take this test. When the third period bell rang, he ran to his locker, stalling. Ned found him sticking his head inside the locker right before class.

 

“What are you doing?” He asked.

 

“Dude, I’m really bout to drop out.”

 

“Why did you take Spanish if you hate it so much?”

 

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!” The late bell rang. “Be right back. I’m just going to jump out this window.”

 

“Peter, we both know that won’t work cause Mr Stark will just teleport here and save your radioactive, lame power ass.” Peter stared at him, confused.

 

“Lame power? I think I remember saving your life on occasion.”

 

“Well yeah. But you can’t summon spiders.” Peter flinched.

 

“Why would I want to?” He said, slamming his locker shut. “Spiders are fucking gross.”

 

“You didn’t think that when you became-”

 

“Wow! Spanish! Testing! Grades! Collage!” Ned rolled his eyes.

 

“I wasn’t going to say it.”

 

  
“You were pretty close.” Ned swatted his shoulder.

 

“You want to see my R2 costume after the test?” Peter nodded.

 

“Totally. I’m so excited. Mr Stark is giving candy out to kids whose parents work in the tower, it’s so cool!” Ned laughed.

 

“I can’t believe you get to work with Tony Stark.”

 

“Believe it, buddy. We built our costumes in his lab.”

 

“No, we accidentally set things on fire in his lab cause everything's a fire hazard in there.” Peter nodded in agreement.

 

“Ok, so we might have done that too.” Ned laughed. The stopped outside the door.

 

“Ready?” Ned asked. Peter nodded. They did their handshake for goodluck and walked into the room.

 

After the test, Peter went to pack up his locker for the day. He was copying down what he had for homework when someone gripped his shoulder. Alarmed that his Spidey Senses didn’t warn him, he spun around. Ned stared at him, paling and pointed to the very blonde, muscular, handsome, and famous god of thunder. Peter cursed and texted May.

 

**Me: Ok. You win this. May three, Peter one.**

 

**World’s Best Aunt: Actually, it’s May three, Peter two. You have to dissolve the webbing on my wall.**

 

**Me: Coolio. Can I bring Ned to the tower?**

 

**World’s Best Aunt: I thought he was coming already. Tony bought him Three Musketeers.**

 

**Me: Awesome see you later**

 

**World’s Best Aunt: xo**

 

“Young Parker!” Thor boomed with his usual gusto. Peter sighed, ignoring the blush that ran to his cheeks.

 

“Hey Thor.”

 

“Who is this, young lad?” the god asked.

 

“This is my best friend, Ned. Ned, this is Thor.” Ned squeaked.

 

“Well, well!! Thank you for protecting MY FRIEND, PETER PARKER!” Thor screamed, making sure everyone could hear him.

 

“Thor, what are you doing?” Peter asked, ignoring all the stares and hushed acclimations of wonder.

 

“Why, I AM CLAIMING YOU, PETER PARKER AS MY FRIEND!”

 

“Why are you screaming?”

 

“BECAUSE WE’RE FRIENDS AND YOU’RE AUNT TOLD ME TOO.” Peter sighed.

 

“Of course she did. Why did she ask you too?”

 

“BECAUSE IT’S HOLLOW WEED!” Peter stared at him.

 

“Halloween?”

 

“Oh, okay. BECAUSE IT’S-”

 

“Yep, yep, you’ve got your point across." Peter quickly interrupted him. "Let’s get the hell out of here before May can do more damage.” He dragged Ned and Thor out the door.

 

As soon as the three were in the car, Ned spoke.

 

“Peter’s had a crush on you since middle school and he had a poster and a comforter and-”

 

“Yeah, we don’t need to hear anymore.” Peter pleaded. Ned nodded.

 

“Um, Your Majesty? Mr Thor? Your Mr Thor Highness?” Ned looked at Peter, who was stifling a laugh.

 

“Please, call me Thor, child” Thor said, almost crashing into a tree. “Sorry!” Ned looked at Peter.

 

“Did he just apologize to a tree?” Ned asked.

 

“Big Mood, honestly.” Peter replied.

 

“I’ve heard many stories about the great Ned Leeds.” Ned blushed.

 

“Thanks.” he mumbled. Peter laughed.

 

“And how was your day, young Parker?” Peter shrugged.

 

“Well, I bombed some Spanish, got exposed by by best friend, thanks again for that Ned, and I’m losing a contest I never lose, so I’m doing great.”

 

“Does Asgard have Halloween, Your Majes- Thor?” Ned asked.

 

“No, we don’t, but it’s very fun so far. I took a Midgardian Holiday elective back on Asgard, but it was very complicated, so I dropped out and took Astrophysics and Groot instead.” Peter and Ned stared at him in awe.

 

“Wow. Thor’s brain? Skinny legend.” Peter whispered to Ned, making him giggle.

 

“I wish I was smart enough to take regular physics.” Ned replied, prompting their handshake.

 

“I’m sure you are, young Ned!” Thor exclaimed, swerving in and out of the lane.

 

“Uh, Mr Thor?” Peter asked. “Did you ever learn to drive?” Thor ran a red light.

 

“No, driving wasn’t a thing on Asgard, either.” Peter nodded.

 

“That makes so much sense, actually.” Suddenly, they crashed into a lightpost across from the tower. The light fell onto the car. Peter and Ned screamed. Thor looked up optimistically.

 

“Well, I think we’re here.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Tony sprinted outside as soon as FRIDAY told him that Thor had crashed across from the building. Luckily, he had all of his cars crash proof, break in proof, and spider proof, incase Peter ever decided to learn how to drive. It didn’t make him feel better though.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling Peter and Ned out of the car.

 

“Yeah, we’re fine, Mr Stark.” Ned nodded in agreement. Tony pulled Peter into a tight hug.

 

“Promise?”

 

“ ‘romise Mehr Sthark!” Came the muffled reply. Tony let go of Peter to yell at Thor.

 

“You’re never driving. Ever. Anywhere. Ever! Did I say the ever part? Cause I really meant it. ”

 

“Loud and Clear, Stark.” Thor nodded.

 

“Right. I’m not going to drop this. But Thai’s on the way, and I want to see your costumes, and we’ve gotta prank May. So, upstairs we go.” They all followed Tony into the penthouse.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Peter’s spidey senses went off as soon as they stepped on the elevator.

 

“Hey, let’s go literally anywhere else.” He said, turning towards the group. But they were replaced by giant spiders.

 

“Kid? What’s wrong?” Tony the spider said. Peter stifled a scream. Ok. They were replaced with giant, talking spiders. Peter just nodded his head.

 

“Uh, nothing, Mr Stark! Nothing at all!” He laughed nervously.

 

“Peter? Are you okay?” Ned the spider asked, concern filling his voice. “Did you have one of Flash’s edibles at lunch?”

 

“What’s an edible?” Thor spider asked.

 

“One of Flash’s what?” Tony growled. Peter backed away, until he bumped into something fuzzy with eight legs wrapping around him. “Hi sweetie!” May spider smiled. “How was school?” Peter screamed and ran inside, and immediately froze. Spiders covered every square inch of surface.

 

“Hello, Mr Parker!” They all said together. Peter ran back to Spider May.

 

“Please turn back into a person, please turn back into a person, you scared me, you won!” He wrapped his arms around her.

 

“Of course, young Parker!” May said. Peter froze. There were only two people who called him ‘young Parker’.

 

“Loki!” he cried, stepping back. “Where’s my aunt?”

 

“Right here, sweetie.” May said, thankfully human. He looked at all the others who were human too. He lept into May’s arms. “I’m so sorry honey. I thought the plan was to lock you in your room with a pet spider.” she hissed at Loki.

 

“Well, you won, so it doesn’t matter.” Peter laughed, squeezing May.

 

“Okay, May four, Peter three. You still win.” May stared at him.

 

“What do you mean, Peter three?” Peter smirked, then looked around. He whispered something in May’s ear.

 

“Okay, Peter three, Peter three, I’ll allow it.” Peter laughed.

 

“You won, May!” He yelled, high fiving her.

 

“Wow. Is this how you feel every year?”

 

“Yep.” May nodded.

 

“It feels good.” Tony clapped his hands for attention.

 

“Okay, costumes? I bought matching ones for Blondie and Greasy over here.” He said, ignoring their offended defenses.

 

“Yep!” Peter and Ned high fived. “Stark-Parker-Leeds-Odinson family Halloween commence!” They all ran apart to change, while Loki angrily stormed and Thor cheerfully ran to their quarters. Tony held Peter back.

 

“What’d you end up telling May?” He asked. “Was it one of my suggestions? Please say it was.” Peter nodded no.

 

“I told her that I could summon an army of spiders so quickly that they’d overfill the state, because I’m Spiderman.” he whispered. Tony nodded solemnly.

 

“My suggestions were better.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

An hour later, the six of them crowded onto the couch with Thai food and good candy to watch the Great Pumpkin. Ned and Peter were R2-D2 and C3PO, respectively. Tony was Han Solo, while May was Obi-Wan. Tony got the gods matching Ewok onesies, which Loki complained about until he fell asleep on top of his brother, and Thor loved immediately.

 

The last trick or treaters finally left, and it was late. The doorbell surprised them.

 

“I’ll get it!” Peter said, climbing out of May’s embrace and gently taking Ned’s sleeping head off his shoulder. May and Tony shared a glance and silently followed him. Peter opened the door and froze.

 

“Trick or treat!” The little boy said, his blue eyes full of excitement. It was the only feature Peter could see beneath the red and blue mask. Peter smiled.

 

“Hello, Spider-Man.” he managed to say.

 

“I’m not the real Spider-Man, ya know.” he whispered. “My name is Lucas. The real one is so much cooler, he saved my mommy and daddy and big sister. Other kids aren’t mean to him like they are to me, and they want to be his friend.” Peter was about to cry.

 

“I think you’re definitely cooler than the real Spider-Man.” He said. He leaned closer to Lucas. “Do you want to know a secret?” He nodded. Peter pulled his mask out of his pocket. Lucas gasped.

 

“You’re the Spider-Man?” He said in a hushed whisper.

 

“Yep. But you’re a better Spider-Man than I am, that’s for sure. And people are mean to me too.” Peter unloaded a web cartridge. ”Here. When people are mean to you, just squeeze this tight and you’ll know that Spider-Man is always going to be your friend, okay Lucas?” Lucas smiled and gave him a hug.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered into Peter’s shirt.

 

“Any time. If you need me, tell your mom or dad to tell Mr Stark, okay? And we can help save the world together.”  Peter gave him his candy and a high five. The boy ran down the hallway, yelling that he met the real Spider-Man and gave him a hug and a present  and told him he was cool and that he was his friend. Peter smiled as he pulled the mask off and closed the door. May tackled him in a hug.

 

“Your first fan!” She squealed.

 

“I had FRI download that video and put those kid’s parents on speed dial.” Tony said, joining the group hug. Peter nodded.

 

“Happy Halloween, kid.” Tony whispered into Peter’s curls. Peter smiled and let himself relax in his family’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Pepper Returns!! Should be up sometime within the next week.


	4. The Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEPPER POTTS IS A QUEEN!! I've wanted to write Pepper for sooooo long, and now I get to! I'm so excited you have no idea. Enjoy the chapter!!
> 
> (Also, this is a Thanksgiving chapter too? I'm on a role with posting holiday chapters after the holiday.)

Pepper Potts really loved Tony. Really, she swears. But when she walked into her kitchen on the morning of Thanksgiving in her pajamas and found the god of thunder eating Pop Tarts, every old feeling she had for him when she was single erupted. She found herself frantically running back to the Iron Suite to change and put on makeup and perfume and-

 

“So. You found Thor.” Tony sighed.

 

“You didn’t tell me they were here, Tony.”

 

“Yeah, cause I figured this would happen.” She smiled

 

“I love you. Do you want me to show him my ring every few minutes?” Tony grunted and threw a pillow at her.

 

“I just don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like he’s the best Avenger or anything.”

 

“Right. Because that’s Peter.”

 

“No, I’m the best Avenger.” Pepper stared at him. He sighed. “Can we at least pretend that the minor isn’t the best Avenger?”  Pepper laughed and crawled into bed next to him. Tony wrapped himself around her protectively and kissed the crown of her head.

 

“Do they know about Spider-Man?” She asked

 

“Nope. Pete doesn’t want to tell them.”

 

“What did he tell them?”

 

“That he’s just an intern. But I don’t know if they’re buying it anymore cause Peter was shot-”

 

“What?” Pepper shot up. “When did this happen?”

 

“You were out of the country!”

 

“You still could’ve called me!”

 

“I didn’t know you would get reception!”

 

“This is Thanksgiving 2003 all over again, Tony!”

 

“No, Thanksgiving 2003 was so fucking peaceful!”

 

“You threw a rager and ended up chucking a cooked turkey out the window, and someone shot it so you sued them.” Tony looked down.

 

“Oops.” Pepper sighed.

 

“Love you.”

 

“I love you too, Pep. I really missed you. Why did you have to go to Japan the week of Thanksgiving?”

 

“Because we’re trying to open up a Japanese branch of Stark Industries. It was Peter’s idea.”

 

“Of course it was.” Tony sighed. “Shit! I forgot to show you! Some kid dressed up as you for Halloween!”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep. She said her mom told her you were more powerful than Iron Man.” Pepper nodded.

 

“Well, it’s true.” Tony fake gasped.

 

“Virginia Potts!”

 

“You know it’s true.” She laughed. “Oh!” she shot up. “Do you know what event is currently 42 days from now?” Tony paled.

 

“We haven’t done anything for it, Pep. We haven’t picked out our china-”

 

“I did.”

 

“Or our venue-”

 

“I did that too.”  

 

“Well, what didn’t you do?” Tony asked, frustrated.

 

“Huh.” Pepper pondered.

 

“Please tell me you didn’t do everything.” Pepper smiled at him. Tony sighed.

 

“Well, I didn’t do everything.” She said.

 

“What didn’t you do?”

 

“Two things. I didn’t pick a cake-”

 

“You picked the rest of our food?”

 

“No, Peter and Rhodey did. They wanted to help.”

 

“Understandable.”

 

“And I didn’t choose outfits.” Tony pulled out his phone.

 

“Okay, what do you want? I could probably get a dress from a museum or something if you want it. Or a ball gown? Or mermaid? Hold on, I need to call TLC. Let’s go on Say Yes to the Dress.”

 

“Tony.”

 

“Unless you want a famous dress. You want a famous dress? What counts as a famous wedding dress?”

 

“Tony.”

 

“Queen Elizabeth’s dress? Is it still intact? I’ll call her. But we’ll probably have to invite the entire Royal Family, so it depends on what-” Pepper grabbed his hand.

 

“Tony. May was going to come with me and Peter to pick out a dress, do you want to come?”’ Tony sighed, relieved.

 

“Yes. Yes. How can I help with that?”

 

“You can drive, possibly. But you’re not allowed to see me in any of the dresses.”

 

“Why not?” Tony pouted

 

“It’s bad luck, hon. You know that.” She pulled on a green sweater and sat back down next to Tony.

 

“Well than what else can I do?” Pepper thought for a second.

 

“Huh.”

 

“Anything. At all.”

 

“Can you plan dinner tonight? I invited Peter and May, and I figured we could invite Thor and Loki, since they’re here.”

 

“Yeah, totally. FRI? Tell Gordon Ramsay that he’s needed for a top secret Avenger mission.”

 

“On it boss.” The AI replied cheerfully. Tony finger gunned sarcastically towards the ceiling.

 

“Can you actually show your ring to Thor? It’ll teach him.” He asked, pulling his fiancée out of the bedroom. Pepper laughed

 

“Teach him what?”

 

“To stop being so fucking attractive.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Tony and Pepper walked back into the kitchen, Loki was sitting on the counter, magicking Pop Tarts in and out of Thor’s hands.

 

“Stop, Loki!” Thor cried, lunging for a box that appeared across the room.

 

“No. Not until you admit you have a problem and need help.”

 

“I can’t help it! They’re delicious!”

 

“That’s a you problem.” He said, summoning Pop Tarts in and out of existence.

 

“You can’t pick up on everything Peter says, it’s not good!” Thor cried, tackling his brother to the floor, breaking Loki’s concentration on the pastries. He caught them as they fell out of Loki’s hand.

 

“Yes!” Thor cheered, lifting the box in the air.

 

“Bet?” Loki hissed, summoning a knife and stabbing his brother in the chest.

 

“What does that mean?” Thor cried in frustration, pulling the knife from his sternum.

 

“What the hell is happening?” Pepper yelled, staring at them. Thor smiled.

 

“Hello, Ms Potts! How are you?” He staggered toward her, holding the bloody knife.

 

“Holy crap! Are you okay?” She screamed, running toward him and putting pressure on his wound.

 

“Pepper!” Tony cried, pulling her away. “Don’t flirt with him!”

 

“He was stabbed, Tony. And you don’t even know what flirting looks like!”

 

“Really? I don’t? Remember Valentines Day, 2001?”

 

“We swore we would never speak of that, Tony.”

 

“You swore.”

 

”Please tell me this is a travel sickness induced hallucination.” Tony smirked.

 

“Just a regular Tuesday.” Pepper sighed.

 

“You need a nicer outfit. Green isn’t your color. It’s mine.” Loki interrupted. Thor and Pepper glared at him. Tony held back a laugh.

 

“Loki, be nice!” Thor hauled him up.

 

“Are you going to kill him?” Tony whispered to Pepper. “If you do, let me know, cause I missed the other times and I want to see.” Loki glared at him.

 

“Please, don’t mind my brother. He hasn’t had coffee today.”

 

“I don’t drink coffee, Thor.”

 

“Well, maybe you should.” Pepper smiled at Thor.

 

“Thank you, Your Majesty.”

 

“Please, call me Thor, we’re friends!”

 

“We just met her twenty seconds ago.” Loki spat. Sitting on the kitchen island.

 

“Okay then Thor. What brings you two to New York?”

 

“We’re here because Loki wanted-”

 

“I was dragged against my will.”

 

“To say that he was sorry-”

 

“Not sorry.”

 

“For acting in such a strange and violent manner-”

 

“Still not sorry.”

 

“And he would like to join the Avengers, an act already approved by Tony.” Thor beamed. Pepper stared at them.

 

“Okay. That was a lot of information to hear in thirty seconds.” She spun towards Loki. “You mentioned my outfit before.”

 

“The one I’m pretending doesn’t exist because it’s the ugliest thing ever? Yes.” Pepper ignored him.

 

“I’m giving you a job.” She said, pulling out her phone. “You are going to buy me my wedding dress.”

 

“What?” Tony said, his voice filling with betrayal. “Him? Why can’t you go get it?”

 

“Because I have a company to run. And May and I have to pick out her dress and the other bridesmaid dresses, so they can pick out mine.”

 

“They?” The gods said together.

 

“Isn’t this supposed to be fun for Midgardians?” Loki asked, turning towards his brother.

 

“We will help you in any way we can, Ms Potts.” Thor said, flicking Loki’s arm.

 

“Ow.” He growled. Thor glared at him.

 

“Fine. We’ll be happy to help.” He grumbled, slouching.

 

“Boss?” FRIDAY interrupted. “May and Peter Parker are here.” Thor smirked when Loki sat up at Peter’s name.

 

“Let them in.” Pepper and Tony said at the same time. They looked at each other.

 

“You’re not the boss. I’m the boss.” Tony said, staring at her.

 

“You’re joking right?” Pepper replied. “You realize I run your company?”

 

“Did you miss the part where it was my company?”

 

“Really? Do you want to go there?”

 

“Fine. We’ll split it. You can get 12%, and I’ll get the other 88%.” Tony huffed, looking smug.

 

“Or, I get more credit.” Pepper protested.

 

“Pep-”

 

“More credit goes to your girlfriend.”  They glared at each other.

 

“Fine. You two go get ready.” She ordered Thor and Loki. They shared a glance as they walked to their rooms.

 

“Is that what we sound like?” Thor asked. Loki shrugged.

 

“I don’t think so. Our fights usually end in more violence.”

  


“Happy Thanksgiving!” Peter called, walking into the kitchen. “We heard yelling from downstairs.”

 

“You guys are loud.” May added, walking in behind her nephew. “I thought it was Thor and Loki.”

 

“Yeah. You did, didn't you?” Peter smirked. “You owe me a sandwich.”

 

“That’s not at all fair, kid.” She said.

 

“I’ve got super hearing, May.” Peter replied. Tony, Pepper, and May all glared at him. “What?” Tony sighed into his hands.

 

“How did people not find out about your little alter ego before, Underoos?” Tony sighed, ruffling Peter’s hair.

 

“I guess they just weren’t paying attention. Well, MJ found out because she was, but that was it.”

 

“I think they find out because you’re not paying attention.” Pepper said, pulling Peter into a hug. “I missed you, Pete.”

 

“Missed you too, Pepper. May was bored out of her mind. I had to watch Rocky with her about twenty times.”

 

“Why is she Pepper?” Tony asked. “Why can’t you call me Tony?”

 

“Well, Pepper’s scary, so when she told me to call her ‘Pepper’, I did. You’re not scary, Mr Stark.” Tony sighed.

 

“I’m Iron Man. The best Avenger.”

 

“I thought I was the best Avenger!”

 

“You are. Simultaneously, you’re also the worst Avenger.” May said. Pepper laughed.

 

“How?” Peter protested.

 

“You do remember following me into a space donut against my orders and dying, right?” Tony asked, leaning against the kitchen island.

 

“You got me there.” Peter sighed.

 

“Young Parker!” Thor boomed, entering the room with his usual gusto. Peter gave him a high five.

 

“Hey, Mr Thor!” Peter beamed. He figured out a way to control the uncontrollable blushing that usually occurs whenever Thor addressed him, eventually. It worked about half the time, according to May.

 

“Mr Parker.” Loki said, walking in behind him.

 

“Hi Mr Loki!” Loki smiled.

 

“Well, you two have perfect timing.” Pepper pulled her credit card out of her purse and handed it to them. “Change of plans. You’re taking Pete with you.” Peter stared at her.

 

“Where are they taking me?” He asked, taking the card.

 

“You’re picking out my wedding dress.”

 

“It’s Thanksgiving. Every place is closed.”

 

“Not for Tony Stark’s credit card.”

 

”I thought that was the big thing, don’t you want to do it?”

 

“No. That’s why I’m sending you. I have to go pick out the other dresses and go to the spa with my friend and try not to worry about someone dying. Usually you.” Pepper and May high-fived.

 

“Am I the perfect candidate for this? Cause I’ve worn this t-shirt for three days in a row.”

 

“Why the hell am I buying you new shirts if you just re wear the ones on your floor?” May asked, crossing her arms. Peter shrugged.

 

“You’re going, or you’re grounded. End of discussion.” Pepper smirked.

 

“You can’t ground me, only May can!”

 

“No, we made a list.” May counted off on her fingers. “It’s me, Pepper, Tony, Rhodey, Happy, and any Avenger who isn’t a war criminal.” Peter nodded.

 

“That’s fair.”

 

“Can we go now?” Loki asked. “I’m bored of this conversation.” Thor laughed.

 

“Yes, we can. Have a nice time!” He yelled, grabbing Peter and running after Loki, who sprinted down the hall.  The door slammed behind them.

 

“You do realize that this is going to end up a hot mess, right?” Tony asked, staring at the door.

 

“I know.” Pepper sighed.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Boring. Lame. Ew.” Loki ran his hand over dresses hanging on a rack.

 

“You have to pick one, Mr Loki.” Peter said, holding up a sleeping Thor. Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m very aware, young Parker.”  He said, flicking his brother’s head.

 

“What?” Thor sat up groggily.

 

“Pay attention!” Loki hissed. Thor glared at him.

 

“Why? Ms Potts isn’t here, and we don’t know what she likes! I just don’t understand the task we’ve been given!”

 

“An hour ago you were so excited! What happened?” Peter asked, poking the god’s bicep.

 

“We’ve just been sitting here. Loki’s picked out about 3 dresses that all look the same and he hates all of them.”

 

“Well, maybe if you took Midgardian Studies instead of Astrophysics you’d be a little more understanding.

 

“I am trying to understand, brother. I’ve always tried to understand your interests.”

 

“Well if you tried a little harder then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Thunder rumbled outside. Peter winced.

 

“Hey, why don’t we see what we’ve picked out-”

 

“What I’ve picked out.” Loki interrupted.

 

“Fine. What you’ve picked out, and I’ll call Pepper and see which one she likes.” Peter said, pulling out his phone. Loki’s eyes gleamed mischievously.

 

“Or we could go with option two.”

“What’s option two?” Peter asked. Thor rolled his eyes.

 

“He’s going to turn into Ms Potts.” Thor said. Peter’s eyes lit up in wonder.

 

“You can do that? That’s so cool!” Loki smirked.

 

“I know.” He said. A green light flared, and in a moment of mind flipping vertigo, Loki was Pepper.

 

“Holy shit that was so cool.” Peter whispered. Loki/Pepper laughed.

 

“I know. Thor hates it.” She smirked at her brother. Peter stared at her.

 

“You sound like her too? This is so freaking awesome! Can you turn into The Rock? Or a frog? Or a snake? Snakes are cool.”

 

“No. No snakes. I hate snakes.” Thor pleaded.

 

“Why do you hate snakes?” Peter asked, curious. Thor glared at his brother.

 

“I was stabbed by a snake when I was a child.” Loki/Pepper smirked.

 

“How were you stabbed by a-“

 

“Ms Potts!” A saleswoman walked into the dressing room, carrying three other dresses on her arm. “Thank you for coming in. I’m sorry we don’t have more options, but most of our staff is away for the holiday.” Loki/Pepper glared at her.

 

“What holiday?” She asked. The saleswoman stared at her.

 

“Thanksgiving?” The saleswoman replied, looking at her curiously.

 

“What’s that?” Thor asked, sitting up.

 

“I’ll explain later.” Peter said.

 

“Anyway, I was thinking that you could try the-”

 

“No.” The saleswoman froze.

 

“Excuse me?” She said, glaring at her.

 

Peter cleared his throat. “Lok-Pepper? Maybe you shouldn’t- ”

 

“Be quiet.” She turned away from Peter. “I’m not wearing a dress made of taffeta.”

 

“What’s wrong with taffeta, sister?” Thor asked, rubbing the fabric of the dress between his fingers.

 

“What isn’t wrong with taffeta?” Loki/Pepper replied, pulling other dresses of a rack. The saleswoman backed away slowly.

 

“Okay! Well, call for me if you need anything!” She said, practically sprinting away. Peter held back a snicker.

 

“These are all acceptable.” Loki/Pepper tossed dresses onto Thor’s head. He growled and threw them on the floor.

 

“Hey!” Loki/Pepper said, running to scoop up the dresses.

 

“I am not a coat rack, Loki.”

 

“You could at least hold them.” she protested, stepping into a changing room.

 

“Why is he the most frustrating person in the world?” Thor sighed, leaning back in his chair.

 

“He’s just trying to help.” Peter replied, yawning.

 

“I know. And I’m grateful for it.” Thor smiled.

 

“That’s the spirit of Thanksgiving! I’m so glad you haven’t moved on to snowy season!” Peter yelled, laughing. Thor looked at him quizzically.

 

“What is that?” He asked, staring at the younger boy.

 

“What’s what? Thanksgiving or snowy season?”

 

“Both.” Peter nodded.

 

“Okay. So Thanksgiving’s a holiday where we eat good food and celebrate your family with your family, I guess. I can’t really think of another way to explain it.”

 

“Loki! Summon a notebook!” Thor yelled, ignoring the muffled cries disgracing taffeta. A notebook appeared in his hand. “Thanks!” He pulled out a pen and started taking notes. “Please continue, young Parker.”

 

“Sure!” Peter chirped. “Snowy season is Christmas season, which stretches from 12 AM on November 1st to 12 AM on December 26th. People usually forget about Thanksgiving, which is really freaking annoying.” Thor nodded dutifully.

 

“What do you do for Thanksgiving?” He asked

 

“Well May can’t cook, so we go to one of her friends house. I don’t know what we’re doing this year.” Peter replied.

 

“I want to help!” Thor sprang up out of his chair.

 

“What?” Peter asked, staring at him.

 

“I want to help! We can have dinner at the tower! I’ll cook!” He yelled, sprinting out of the store just as Loki walked out of the dressing room as himself.

 

“What was that?” He asked, carefully picking up a dress and walking over to the cash register.

 

“Thor wants to cook for Thanksgiving.” Peter replied, handing Tony’s credit card to the cashier.

 

“What’s Thanksgiving?” Peter sighed.

 

“I’ll explain on the way home.” Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Did you pick out a dress?” Peter asked, running his hands over the long skirt.

 

“Well, it was hard to find a suitable one, but I did, eventually.” Peter nodded.

 

“What makes it suitable?” He asked the god, who whisked him and the dress out of the store.

 

“If it matches Ms Pott’s hair, skin tone, accessories, things like that.” Peter nodded again.

 

“Lit.” A taxi horn honked at them.

 

“Get in the car!” Thor yelled from the backseat. “We don’t have time, it’s Thanksgiving!”

 

“Why was I cursed with this moron as my brother?” Loki asked, walking to the car.

 

“You love him.” Peter smiled, elbowing him. The trickster sighed.

 

“Reluctantly.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Tony stop worrying, they’re on their way back to the tower.” Pepper turned Tony’s chair away from Peter’s location.

 

“What happened to your spa day?” He asked, grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee.

 

“We had it. When we left, you sat down, then we came back.”

 

“About 4 hours later!” May chimed from the couch.

 

“Four hours?” Tony asked. “What kind of spa did you go to?”

 

“That only took about an hour and a half. We went grocery shopping after.” Pepper said, pulling the mug out of his hand.

 

“Hey!” Tony protested, glaring at Pepper.

 

“Have you eaten any real food?” She asked, pouring the coffee down the drain.

 

“Coffee comes from beans. Beans are food. So yes.” He replied pouting. May clapped sarcastically.

 

“Well done, Mr Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist.” She laughed.

 

“I’m sorry, Mrs Parker, do you want to cook?” He spat, pouring himself another cup of coffee and ignoring Pepper’s glare.

 

“Yeah. How about I make you a walnut-date loaf? I know how much you love that.” She smirked.

 

“So that’s where the kid gets it from.” Tony tried to drink his coffee, but Pepper took it away again. “Are you going to keep doing that?”

 

“Yes. And stop antagonizing my Maid of Honor.” Pepper said, drinking the coffee herself. May laughed again.

 

 “We’re back!” Thor yelled, breaking through the door. “It’s Thanksgiving!” Peter followed him in, carrying about twenty bags of groceries on one arm.

 

“Thor wants to cook for Thanksgiving.” He explained, sliding the groceries onto the kitchen island. Loki sauntered into the room with the dress on his arm, dramatically tossing a pair of sunglasses across the room.

 

“Where did you get those?” Thor asked. “You didn’t have them in the car.” Loki shrugged.

 

“I’m dramatic.”

 

“You guys don’t have to cook.” Pepper said, picking up the glasses. “You’re our guests.” Thor laughed.

 

“Well, after Peter explained it, I felt obligated to help. Destroy the season of snow!” Thor cheered, lifting Peter over his head.

 

“Holy shit!” Peter yelled, webbing to the ceiling out of habit.

 

“Language!” May, Pepper and Tony chimed at the same time.

 

“What are you hanging from?” Loki asked, pointing at Peter. Peter froze.

 

“Um. What?” He asked, slowly sliding down the web. Thor and Loki shared a glance.

 

“The string you slid off of, young Parker.” Thor said, pulling the web off of the ceiling.  

 

“Yeah, Pete. What was that?” Tony feigned innocence.

 

“It was. A thing. Yeah. A thing. Um, a string.” Peter panicked. Loki stared at him.

 

“That doesn’t make-”

 

“Thanksgiving!” Peter yelled. “Food! Family! Magic! Other stuff!” Thor cheered.

 

“Huzzah, young Parker! Let’s start!” Thor dragged Loki towards the kitchen, forgetting about the whole incident.

 

“Woah, woah, woah! Watch the dress!” Loki cried, squirming out of Thor’s grasp. He gave it to Pepper.

 

“Thank you!” She smiled, opening up the bag they carried it in. She gasped. “Holy shit.” she whispered. May leaned over and took a look at it.

 

“You need to try it on. Now.” She said, pulling Pepper out of the room.

 

“I want to see!” Tony protested, running after them. The door slammed in his face. “I bought it! Shouldn’t I see it?” Pepper leaned out and quickly gave him a kiss before slamming the door again. Tony sighed.

 

“Sorry, Mr Stark.” Peter gave him a hug. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t really see it.” Tony fluffed his hair.

 

“Thanks kiddo.”

 

“Let’s go!” Thor pulled seven turkeys out of a grocery bag. “I’m ready to start!”

 

“Why do you have seven turkeys for six people?” Tony asked, pulling up a recipe.

 

“Peter insisted.” Loki said, summoning a nail file and started to file his nails.

 

“Well, I was talking to some random vigilante and he thought he could drop them off at shelters, and those were the ones left, so we bought seven.” Peter blushed. Tony smirked.

 

“Oh, some random vigilante?”

 

“Yeah. He’s an asshole.” Tony stared at him.

 

“What?”

 

“He’s a dick. Hate him.” Tony shook his head.

 

“But you said-“

 

“Let’s cook!” Thor cried, turning the oven on. “What should we start with?” Loki sighed.

 

“Whatever takes the most time to cook, probably.” He said, conjuring a Midgardian cookbook. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Whoever this ‘Paula Deen’ is, she sounds absolutely disgusting.” Thor leaned over his shoulder to look.

 

“A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey? That sounds like fun!” He said, trying to open the turkey.  His fist went through the bird itself. “Oops.” Peter patted him on the back.

 

“Why are we doing this?” Tony asked, slumping into a seat with a sigh. The gods shrugged.

 

“Well I wanted to.” Peter said. “Plus Thanksgiving isn’t a thing on Asgard.” Tony closed his eyes.

 

“Fine. I’m going to take a nap. Please don’t set my tower on fire.” He yawned, pulling a blanket over himself. Peter grinned.

 

“Lit.”

 

“I did it!” Thor yelled, finally pulling a turkey out of its package. Loki wrinkles his nose in disgust.

 

“Mortals get this excited over a dead bird?”

 

“It’s not just that, Mr Loki.” They heard squeals of delight from the end of the hall. “Wow. I guess they like Pepper’s dress.” Loki nodded.

 

“Not surprised.” Loki smirked. Pepper suddenly came running over to them and shook Loki’s hand.

 

“Thank you so much! It’s beautiful!” He stared at her.

 

“You’re welcome?” She squealed again and ran back to May. Thor shoved the turkey in the oven.

 

“Done! Next!”

“You’re done? What did you do to it?” Peter asked, warily walking over to the oven.

 

“I put the stuffing in it. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”

“I mean, I’m lazy so I’ll take your word for it.” Peter said, pulling out the other turkeys. “I’m going to go find this vigilante guy and give him turkey.” He slung a bag full of turkeys over his shoulder, and walked out. “I’ll be right back!” He slammed the door behind him. Thor clapped his hands.

 

“Pie?” He asked his brother.

 

“Pie.” Loki confirmed. He looked at another recipe. This book has an apple pie, a pumpkin pie, and a ‘lemon razzle dazzle surprise.’ Whatever that is.” Thor threw an apple at Loki, who easily caught it. “Hey!” Thor shrugged.

 

“Sorry, brother. That just didn’t sound like you.” Loki mumbled something about ignorant brothers and pulled opened up the recipe for apple pie.

 

About three hours later, the brothers finished everything and shoved everything into the oven at the same time.

 

“Thor, I don’t think Stark’s oven is big enough for that.” Thor rolled his eyes at him, shoving the ninth pie into the oven with a final slam.

 

“Come on, brother. Believe in something.” He replied, setting the oven to 450 and a timer for two hours.  

 

“That’s to hot. And to long.”

 

“No, it’s fine.”

 

“Thor-”

 

“Nope. It’s going to work.” Loki sighed.

 

“Fine. I don’t care. I’m bored.” He said, sitting on the couch opposite of the one Tony was still lounged across. Thor smiled.

 

“Can we watch that Midgardian show about the California sisters?” Loki shrugged.

 

“Fine. But then can we watch the one with the red haired guy and the weirdo?”

 

“Oh, that one’s awesome!” They walked back into their area of the tower.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Loki woke up to smoke. And beeping. And yelling. A lot. They both fell asleep in the middle of the show. The red haired girl shot an arrow, and that was the last thing he remembered. He tried to shake Thor awake.

 

“Thor, we have to go.” Thor wasn’t responding. Loki checked his breathing, and he was breathing, but barely. “Damn it. Stupid Asgardians.” His brother chose that time to wake up.

 

“You’re Asgardian, brother.”

“Good. You’re awake. Now I get to kill you instead of your meal getting to do it.” Thor sighed and closed his eyes. “Thor!” Loki panicked, shaking him, but to no avail. Tony came running into their room suddenly, eyes wide in panic.

 

“Where is Peter?” He asked, shaking. Loki rolled his eyes and slung his brother over his shoulder.  

 

“We don’t have time for this.” He tried to grab Tony’s arm, but Tony pulled away.

 

“Where is he?” He screamed, tears welling up in his eyes.

 

“Probably out somewhere, he left after you fell asleep.”

 

“Mr Stark?” A voice called from the living room. “Are you okay?”

 

“Damn it to hell!” Tony spat. “Peter, don’t move!”

 

“That’s not really an option, but okay!” Peter called back. They heard him cough.

 

“I’m going to kill him.” Tony sighed. “You. Take him outside. Pepper and May are already there. So are a bunch of EMTs. Probably, I didn’t check.” Loki stared at him. “Go!” Tony pushed him, and Loki ran. Tony sped into a different direction. “I’m coming Pete!”

 

“Okay. Take your time.” Peter replied. Tony summoned his suit around him, taking a deep breath once the oxygen filters started working.

 

“Where are you, kid?” Tony tried to hide the worry in his voice.

 

“Living room. I came back for Pepper’s dress, but it wasn’t here. Then there was a big, scary wall of fire, Mr Stark, and-” Peter paused to cough. “Ow.”

 

“I’m here, kid.” Tony said, flying to him and picking him up. “Let’s get you to May.”

 

“I’m kind of tired.”

 

“If you fall asleep, I’ll start playing Christmas Carols.” He shot through the emergency exit, cradling Peter to his chest. Tony landed dramatically on the ground, and shoved a oxygen mask on Peter’s face.

 

“ ‘M fime Mr Smark.” Peter protesed, his voice muffled by the mask.

 

“Good. Cause you’re grounded.” He help Peter tighter. “You’re no longer allowed near any kitchen. Anywhere. Ever.”

 

“But-”

 

“No. Do you know how many nightmares I’ve had about that exact situation?”

 

“ ‘M safe mow.” Tony sighed.

 

“I know. What were you thinking?.” He saw Loki screaming at half conscious brother across from them.  Peter pulled the mask off.

 

“I saw the dress.” Tony sighed.

 

“You’re grounded longer.” Peter pouted and dropped the mask back onto his face.

 

“Peter!” May cried, running over to him and pulling him into a hug. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

 

“But you guys loved the dress!”

 

“I’d rather have you at my wedding than some stupid piece of fabric, Peter.” Pepper said, joining the hug.

 

“He has a knife!” a EMT shouted, restraining Loki.

 

“It’s okay, that’s my brother.” Thor waved them off.

 

“No, it’s not! I specifically told you to not do that!”

 

“Not do what?” Pepper asked, wandering over to them.

 

“The helpful mortals put me on some kind of medicine-”

 

“Oxygen. It was oxygen. You know, because you stopped breathing? Remember that?”

 

“I don’t need oxygen.”

 

“How are you so smart and so dumb at the same time?” Loki spat. Peter walked over to them, ignoring May and Tony’s shouts.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving.” Peter clapped sarcastically. Both gods sighed in relief.

 

“Why would you go back for a dress!” Loki yelled, tears flooding in his eyes.

 

“Why am I getting yelled at for trying to help?”

 

“Because the thing you tried to help with was a stupid thing.”

 

“But it was important to you!” Loki shrugged.

 

“Whatever. I can always buy another dress.” Peter pulled him into a hug. “Why are you hugging me?”

 

“Because you’re scared. And hugging usually helps people when they’re scared.”

 

“But we talked about this the last time you were mortally wounded.”

 

“I wasn’t mortally wounded.”

 

“We thought you were pretty mortally wounded.” Thor clicked his tongue.

 

“He got you there, young Parker.” Peter laughed, and pretended he couldn’t feel Tony’s evil eye from across the yard.

 

“It’s still Thanksgiving.” Peter said, pulling away. “Shawarma?”  The gods looked at each other and smiled.

 

“Shawarma’s good.” Thor said. “Go tell Stark before he murders us.” Peter laughed and ran back to Tony. Loki sat next to Thor, letting Thor give him a hug.

 

“Why, brother? Why doesn't anyone understand personal space?”

 

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Thor said.

 

“Scared? What? I don’t get scared. You’re scared. Put the oxygen mask on.”

 

“You know, you’re Asgardian, brother. You may not want to believe it, but you are.” Loki swatted him.

 

“You’re mushy. Put your oxygen mask on.” Thor laughed and Loki let himself be hugged.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I didn’t think this place was still open.” Tony said, staring at the mouth of a packed Shawarma joint.

 

“I saw it. They have a picture of you eating.” Peter replied, opening the door.

“Well this is a fun Thanksgiving.” May added, pushing through the door. The entire staff cheered when they walked in.

 

“Yes, it’s two Avengers. We were here a few years ago, I was wo-” They all pushed passed him and ran towards Thor.

 

“It’s nice to see you all again. Thank you for your generous hospitality, we know it’s a holiday, and we’re sorry to intrude, but we burnt our dinner, and we were wondering if you had any of your-”

 

“Of course we do! Come, sit down!” The manager ushered them to a table, and they ordered and ate. Peter made Thanksgiving puns and Tony left each staff member a 20,000 dollar check.

 

(Tony may have also asked them to cater his wedding. But don’t tell Pepper.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the link to the dress I went with 
> 
> https://amsale.com/bridal/amsale/tilden.html
> 
> (Maybe I did look up elite bridal stores in NYC but you can't prove it)
> 
> (Teaser for next chapter: I really can't write Steve Rogers.)


	5. The Rouges Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get some snacks and chargers and a glass of water folks. It's a long one
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Friday!

Peter was staying at the tower two weeks. After the disaster that was Thanksgiving, May and Pepper wanted a break, so as soon as they ate dinner on Christmas Day, May and Pepper grabbed their suitcases and ran out the door. Peter snuck into the kitchen at 2:45 AM to grab a snack when he heard people crawling through the vents.

 

“There’s no one here, Nat.” said a kind of deep voice. Peter assumed it was a guy.  It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

 

“I doubt that.”

 

“There was a fire, Tony’s still doing construction.”

 

“That was over a month ago. And has anything ever stopped that man before?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Like what, Rogers. Tell me what stopped him from doing anything.” Peter let out an involuntary squeal when he heard the voice say ‘Rogers’.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Probably a mouse or something.”

 

“Steve, that wasn’t a mouse. That was a person.”

 

“ _Shit._ ” Peter whispered, covering his mouth as soon as he said it.

 

“Ok I believe you now.”

 

“Do you really?” Peter froze. He wondered if he could web into the vent. Then he remembered that they were in the vent.

 

“Hey. Stark’s asleep. Bucky, Sam, and Wanda are waiting in the hall for the signal.” a different voice said. His voice sounded less familiar, but Peter still knew it.

 

“Thanks Clint.” _Barton?_ Peter thought, realization slowly dawning on him.

 

“Holy crap!” He yelled. “You’re the rest of the Avengers!” He realized his mistake to late. He heard them all freeze and mutter curses under their breath. Stupid spider hearing. They all seemed to teleport in front of him. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe he was imagining this entire conversation because he was running on 5 Red Bulls, 3 cups of coffee, and an hour of sleep.

 

Natasha pulled out a gun and turned the safety off. “Who the hell are you?” she asked him calmly.

 

“Nat!” Hawkeye hissed. “He’s a kid.” _They were talking about him oh my god where is Ned_

 

“Holy crap! Black Widow is about to kill me! This is the best day of my life!”

 

“Kid, who are you?” Captain America said. _Captain America said holy fucking shit_

 

“I’m Parker Peter. I mean Peter Parker.” The adults looked at him confused.

 

“Who?” Captain America stared at him.

 

“I’m Mr Stark’s personal intern, I know you’re threatening me and stuff but can we take a picture?” Hawkeye pulled Black Widow and the gun away from Peter.

 

“Sorry kid. We’re not doing pictures right now. We’re sorry we scared you.”

 

  “Yes. We’re sorry you did too.” Loki growled. The rogues all pulled out various weaponry and pointed it at him.

 

“Why would you threaten a child?” Thor came out from behind him and glared at his once friends.

 

“I’m not a child.”

 

“Yes you are.” Chimed everyone in the room.

 

“Okay. Couple of things. You three,” The spun towards the rouges, “just tried to kill me, which was pretty freaking cool, but also kind of scary.”

 

“I wouldn’t have shot you. Leaves to much of a mess.” Black Widow smirked. Hawkeye swatted her.

 

“So you don’t get to say I’m a child. And you two,” he spun dramatically to Thor and Loki, “can go back to bed. I’m good. I’ve seen Kid Gorgeous.” The gods stared at him.

 

“What’s a Kid Gorgeous?” Thor asked.

 

“I’ll show you later.”

 

“Why are you even up at this hour?” Captain America said, patting the top of Peter’s head. Peter stared at the soldier.

 

“I’m never washing my hair again.”

 

 “Gross, Pete. And good question, Rogers.” Tony entered dramatically. “Second question: What the hell are you doing in my house, on a Tuesday at 3:00 in the morning?”

 

“Look, Tony we didn’t mean to bother you.” Captain Rogers backed away from the billionaire. “We just needed to talk.”

 

“You want to move in.” Tony asked, walking over to Peter and hiding his shaking hands behind his back.

 

“No, we just-”

 

“It’s okay. Pepper says it’s good. Since we killed Thanos and stuff.” Loki flinched.

 

“That’s not why we’re here, we need-”

 

“I assume you know where your rooms are.” Tony grabbed Peter’s hand and pulled him toward his room. “You know where I am.”  As soon as they left the room, everyone spun towards the gods.

 

“Why is he here, Thor?” Clint asked, notching an arrow into his bowstring.

 

“Hello, I’m right here.” Loki cried, “You can address me as a person.”

 

“ _My brother_ ,” Thor replied curtly, “Is here because he came to apologize. We’ve been staying here taking care of Stark’s child.” They heard a loud groan from the other room.

 

“Parker! Go to bed!” Loki yelled. A muffled sigh replied and they heard someone walking away.

 

“Who’s Parker?” Clint asked, aiming at Loki’s throat.

 

“Stark’s son.” Thor replied, stepping in front of his brother.

 

“Well, not exactly.” Loki said, smirking. “They won’t admit it.” the Rouges nodded with fake understanding. Thor snatched the arrow out of Clint’s bow, snapping the string.

 

“Hey!” He protested, trying to tie the string back together.

 

“If any of you threaten my brother again, much worse will come to you than a broken string. Loki, we’re leaving.” He grabbed his brother’s arm and dragged him off.

 

“What?” Steve asked as soon as they left.

 

“I guess we’re staying.” Clint plopped down on the couch. Nat high fived him.

 

Steve sighed. “I’m too old for this.”

 

————-

 

“Mr Stark!” Peter cried, trying to pull away from Tony.

 

“No. You’re not talking to them.”

 

“But why not?”

 

“Were you there for that conversation at all?”

 

“They wouldn’t have hurt me, I just freaked them out! I’m pretty sure they think we’re related.”

 

“Of fucking course.”  Tony dropped Peter off at his room. “Are you going to sleep?” Peter shook his head no. “Can’t blame you. Neither am I.” Peter perked up.

 

“I have an idea.”

 

“No. Your ideas usually end up with you getting injured.”

 

“It’s not a Spiderman idea.” Tony stared at him. “I promise.”

 

“Fine.”  Tony pouted. “What is it?”

 

“It’s a fun group bonding activity.”

 

“Veto.”

 

“But Mr Stark!”

 

“Veto.” Peter pouted.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why? I don’t want to hang out with people who threatened my kid.” Peter smiled.  “What?”

 

“You called me your kid.” He beamed. Tony sighed.

 

“I know. I regretted it immediately.”  Peter stopped short and gave Tony a squeeze.

 

“No you didn’t.”

 

“No I didn’t.” Peter beamed again.

 

—————-

 

“Morning!” Peter walked into the kitchen the next day.

 

“Young Parker? Why aren’t you asleep?” Thor asked, taking a sip of coffee.

 

“I couldn’t sleep. Too much adrenaline. Anyone up for a marathon?” Thor stared at him.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Nope. A trophy made a weird shadow in my room and I was convinced I was going to be murdered by Michael Myers.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Serial killer. Hates Jamie Lee Curtis. Spooky.” Thor nodded.

 

“Peter-”

 

“Do you think penguins have knees? I don’t know. They might.”

 

“Well, I don’t-”

 

“What ever happened to old words? I was on tumblr and I saw a list of words from the 1920’s and it was so cool!”

 

“Yeah. Okay. Tumblr?”

 

“And-” Peter’s eyes closed suddenly, and he collapsed into Thor’s arms. Loki walked out from behind Peter, his hair a mess and his eyes half closed.

 

“Loki!”

 

“He’s sleeping. I do know some helpful magic, brother.” Thor carried Peter to the couch and laid him down, tucking a blanket around him.

 

“That doesn’t make me feel better.” Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“He’s fine. I used to do that to you all the time.”

 

“Hey!” Loki summoned a steaming mug of tea out of thin air.

 

“You turned out fine.” He argued, slowly sinking into the couch opposite Peter.

 

 “Hey.” Grunted Tony as he walked in. He poured a coffee into a mug, left it on the table, and drank the rest out of the pot.

 

“Hello, Stark!” Thor boomed, causing Tony and Loki to wince. Loki smacked him on the shoulder. “Sorry. To early?”

 

“Always, sparkles.” Tony sighed, ignoring Thor’s glare. “What happened to the kid?” he asked, gesturing weakly to Peter, who started to snore softly.

 

“Sleep spell.” Loki replied.

 

“He walked in sleep deprived and rambling. It was kind of cute, actually.”  Thor smirked. Tony ran his fingers through Peter’s hair.

 

“I’m sure it was. FRI? Can you send me that footage?”

 

“Certainly, boss.” The AI cheerfully replied.

 

“Can you add it to the playlist too?”

 

“On it. Video added to ‘Peter Parker being an adorable little dork for about 15,000 hours straight, featuring May, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy and some other random ass people.’ ”

 

“Do you want me to wake him up?” Loki asked, taking a sip of his tea.

 

“No, let him sleep. He’s been having trouble sleeping last couple of nights.” The gods shared a glance.

 

“Why?” Thor asked finally, sitting up.

 

“He won’t tell me. He refuses to tell people about his problems.” Tony sighed, frustrated.

 

“Maybe you should get him a therapist.” Steve said, walking in holding Bucky’s hand.

 

“Jesus, grandpas.” Tony said, clutching Peter’s hair. “Don’t scare me, I have a heart condition.”

 

“Hello, Rogers!” Thor boomed. “I hope we are ready for a fresh start?” he said, pulling Loki closer to him. Steve laughed awkwardly.

 

“Yeah, Thor. Fresh starts are nice.” He said, glancing in Tony’s direction. He squeezed Bucky’s hand tighter. “I don’t think you two met James.” he gestured weakly at Bucky. “Buck, this is Thor and Loki. Thor and Loki, this is my husband-” Steve was interrupted by Tony spit-taking his coffee on Peter. He started coughing violently. Peter woke up and immediately started patting Tony’s back.  

 

“I’m sorry. Husband?” He asked finally.

 

“Holy shit! Captain America has a husband? This is so freaking cool!” Peter beamed.

 

“Yeah it’s pretty cool.” Bucky smiled at Steve.

 

“Language, Mr Parker.” Steve chided. Bucky snorted and imitated the Spongebob mocking meme.

 

“Language, Mr Parker.” Bucky mocked lightheartedly. Steve smirked. Peter stared at him in awe.

 

“Jesus is Captain America’s husband?” Bucky rolled his eyes.

 

“I told you not to call me that, kid.” He smiled and walked over to Peter.

 

“Sorry Mr Jesus.”

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt this touching moment,” Tony chimed, “but how do you two know each other?”

 

“Soul Stone.” They said together, performing an elaborate handshake.

 

“Buck?” Steve asked. “Please elaborate.”

 

“Yes, please do. How do you know my kid?” Tony added. Steve’s face lit up.

 

“He is your kid?” He ran over to Tony. “How? Where did he grow up? Was he just hiding when we lived here? How long have you and Pepper been dating?”

 

“No, he’s not my biological kid.” Steve and Bucky stared at Peter, then at Tony.

 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked. “Cause you two look really alike.” Peter blushed.

 

“No.” Thor added from the couch. “We were confused about that too.”

 

“We still are.” Loki supplied. Tony rolled his eyes.

 

“Thanks for the help, emo god.”

 

“Any time.” Loki smirked. Thor swatted his arm.

 

“Pete. Explain.” Tony said, spinning towards Peter.

 

“Okay, so it’s kind of a funny story.” Bucky stared at him quizzically.

 

“Funny? When I found you, you were knocked out cold, then I woke you up and you kept calling me Jesus-

 

“You have lambs!”

 

“They’re baby goats. Then realized you were a kid, and then it was your birthday and you were crying and saying how you felt bad because you apologized to Stark as you dusted and he was going to beat himself up about that until we got out of that hell hole-”

 

“Language.”  

 

“Shut up, Rogers.” Steve smiled.

 

“Shutting up.”

 

“Anyway, we were in the stone, Peter was upset, and then I realized that this little shit-” He paused to ruffle Peter’s hair with his real arm. “Was a mini Steve, except probably stronger and younger. Just another self sacrificing dumbass hero type.”

 

“That’s not how I remembered it.” Peter protested. Every adult in the room stared at him. “Fine. That’s what happened.”

 

“You sound different then you did in Germany.” Bucky said, walking back to Steve’s side.

 

“When did you go to Germany?” Loki asked. “I think that’s close to New Asgard.”

 

“It’s not really. There’s an ocean separating them.” Tony said, looking up Google Maps.

 

“Why did Peter beat up people in Germany?” Thor added.

 

“He’s got a point. I don’t remember him there.” Steve said, looking at Peter quizzically.

 

“Well we discovered that you tend to not remember things well on that trip.” Tony spat. Steve winced.

 

“I was there as an intern. I snuck onto the plane and Bucky found me, so I punched him.” Bucky stared at him.

 

“No, you’re Sp-”

 

“Spicy! I’m so spicy.” Peter panicked. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

 

“It really doesn’t kid.” Tony sighed. “Do you want to do this now?”

 

“No. Later.” Tony stared at him.

 

“Pete-”

 

“Actually, whatever news you have should be shared later.” Steve interrupted. “We have some news too, and it’s pretty important. We shouldn’t discuss it so early in the morning.”

 

“Yeah.” A voice said from above. “Ow! Nat!” Tony sighed.

 

“Come down guys. How much did you hear?” Silence came from the vent for about a minute, but finally Clint jumped out first.

 

 _Nothing_ . _I’m deaf._ Clint signed, pausing to fix one of his hearing aids that was dangling precariously on the rim of his ear. Natasha jumped down and swatted him. He rolled his eyes.

 

“Fine.” He said once he fixed it. “I heard the beginning, but then I fell asleep a little bit, and Ms Romanoff over here-” He stuck his tongue out at his partner, ”-knocked out my hearing aid.”

 

“Okay, first of all, you’re a literal child.” Clint rolled his eyes dramatically. ”And second, it was only slightly knocked out, you knocked it all the way out when you fell against the vent.”

 

“That’s zero percent true.” Natasha glared at him. “Fine. It’s a little bit true.”

 

“Hawkeye knows ASL?” Peter asked, staring at him in awe. Clint smirked.

 

 _Sure do._ He signed.

 

“Hello, Clint and Natasha!” Thor waved. Loki fell back asleep on his shoulder.

 

“Hey Thor.” Clint replied, throwing up a peace sign. Tasha waved back at him.

 

“Is there anyone else in my house that I should know about?” Tony asked, massaging his temples. Steve winced awkwardly.

 

“There is a possibility that Sam and Wanda are here.”  

 

“How high of a possibility Rogers?”

 

“About 112 percent.” Tony sighed.

 

“Do we have any coffee left kid?” He asked Peter, walking into the kitchen.

 

“Sorry Mr Stark. You drank the rest.” Tony sighed and settled on the couch.

 

—————

 

“But I don’t understand.” Thor said, sitting in between Peter and Loki on the couch hours later. “Why did he have to get the money clip engraved? The detective just said to get one.” Loki groaned.

 

“That’s the joke, brother.” He said, sliding deeper into the couch.  

 

“Yeah. Mr Mulaney didn’t have to get one. Detective JJ Bittenbinder wanted him too. To throw the bad guys off their rhythm.” Thor nodded with fake understanding.

 

“Do you follow this advice, Young Parker?” Loki asked.

 

“Sometimes. Once, Mr Stark handed me a hundred dollar bill, so I panicked and yelled ‘You want it? Go get it!’ And I ran in the other direction.” The Asgardians stared at him.

 

“Why don’t you want money?” Loki asked. “I stole 5,000 dollars from Anthony and bought a sweater. It was fantastic.” Peter nodded.

 

“Fun times.”

 

“No! It’s not. Loki, we’ve talked about this.” Thor said, shaking his head softly.

 

“Don’t start with me, Mr Perfect. You stole my throne.”

 

“Then you got it and transformed Asgard into a kingdom of community theatre.” Thor pauses, thinking over his words. “Which actually wasn’t the worst thing you’ve done so you’re off the hook.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “The bull man is boring. Can we watch something else?” Peter’s phone buzzed.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Peter said, checking his phone. He cursed softly. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

 

“Where are you going?” Thor asked, pausing the TV.

 

“Uh, school thing. Emergency school thing.” He jumped over the back of the couch and played with one of his bracelets. “FRI? Can you please put on Brooklyn Nine-Nine?”

 

“Certainly, Peter.” Peter grinned at the ceiling.

 

“Thanks queen! I’ll be right back guys!” He ran out of the room, pulling some kind of hood over his face.

 

Thor and Loki shared a glance.

 

“What do we do now?” Thor asked, turning to his brother. Loki shrugged.

 

“We can watch the show Peter suggested. The lady at the desk seems like she is very similar to me.” He stared at the show.

 

 “Okay, two points to make here,” Gina Linetti said from the screen. “First, Rihanna? You. And then _Rihanna_.”  Thor nodded.

 

“I see what you mean.”

 

Loki smirked and turned his attention back to the show.

—————

 

“Damn it, dude.” Peter said, blocking a punch from bad guy of the day.

 

“Die Spider Man!” He screamed, lunging at him. Peter webbed him to a wall.

 

“Wow. You’re so original.” He deadpanned. “That’s totally the first time I’ve heard that this week.”

 

“Actually, Peter, it’s your third.” Karen supplied. Peter sighed.

 

“Remind me that I need to program you to understand sarcasm, Karen.”

 

“Noted.” The AI replied cheerfully. “There is another attempted robbery going on at TD bank on 25th and 6th. Looks to be 4 men, all armed with chitauri weapons.”

 

“Shit. That worked out well last time.”

“I hope you rot in hell, Spidey!” the bad guy screamed. Peter rolled his eyes, webbing his mouth shut.

 

“Dude, is that homophobia or arachnophobia?” The bad guy garbled something unintelligible from under the webs. “Doesn’t matter. You’re going to jail. Have fun!” He waved, ignoring the cursing coming from the man. Peter sighed. “Karen, can you alert the cops?”

 

“On it.” Peter smirked.

 

“Thanks queen.”

________________

 

“Boss?” FRIDAY asked, turning down the ACDC blasting in Tony’s lab.

 

“What’s up FRI?” he asked, putting down a web shooter upgrade he was working on as a gift for Peter.

 

“There is an armed bank robbery with chitauri weapons occurring at TD bank on the corner of 25th and 6th. Spider Man is already at the scene.”   

 

“Damn it Parker!” He sighed, summoning his suit. “Do you think I should bring the others?”

 

“Well, given Mr Parker’s recklessness in the past with such weapons, maybe it would be for the best to bring other Avengers with you.” Tony sighed.

“Fine. Tell the others. I’m leaving now.” He said, letting the suit form around him.

________________

 

“Hey pals. What’s up?” Peter asked the robbers, who were all wearing Avenger masks. “Hey, I remember you! You destroyed Delmars!” The guy in the Thor mask shrugged.

 

  “They have too much bread anyway.” Peter scowled under his mask.

 

“There’s no such thing as too much bread!”

 

  “Well, we can agree on that, Queens.” Steve burst into the room, with Bucky at his heels. Peter coughed, lowering his voice.

 

“Uh, yeah. We can agree on that. Totally.” Bucky stifled a laugh.

 

“These guys bothering you, kid?” He asked, staring at the man in the Capt mask. Peter shrugged.

“Eh. So so. They’ve brought the big guns.” He said, gesturing to the weapons. The fake Thor smirked.

 

“Yeah. We did.” he nodded his head, and the fake Iron Man grabbed a glowing, purple gun and shot at Peter. Bucky grabbed Steve’s shield from him and jumped in front of Peter. The beam reflected and burned a hole in the vault. Steve growled.

 

“I don’t like bullies. Never have. And you seem to be bullying my friend here.” He gestured to Peter. The fake Hulk reached for another gun, aiming at Steve. Bucky tackled him to the ground. Steve took the gun and snapped it over his knee.

 

“Holy shit that was so cool.” Peter whispered, awestruck.

 

“And I don’t like it when people attack my husband.” Bucky snarled, punching the man. Steve picked up his shield and started to destroy the other weapons, taking the chitauri cores out of them. Peter webbed the robbers to the wall. Once they were done, the three high fived.

 

“Thanks.” Peter said shyly, as they were walking out the door. “I probably would have died. Again.”

 

“Well, I owe you one. I dropped the boarding tunnel on you in Germany.” Steve chuckled, stopping suddenly. “Look, Spider Man, we have to tell you something.” Peter froze.

 

“What’s up?” he said, struggling to keep his cool.

 

“Well,” Steve sighed. “It’s really not simple. Can you come by Stark tower later? We need to discuss-”

 

“Kid!” Tony cried, throwing his arms around Peter and squeezing him tightly. His face mask flipped up, revealing his worried face. ”Are you hurt?”

 

“No.” Peter said, squeezing him back. “Well, my ego is, but my body isn’t.” Tony scowled.

 

“What did I tell you about the sarcasm, kid.” Peter bit his lip.

 

“To continue?”

 

“Who is this?” Thor asked, walking over to the group.

 

“I don’t remember him from the last time I was in New York.” Loki added, staring down at the other hero. “Who are you?” Peter gulped softly. Tony crooked his eyebrow.

 

“Uh, Spider Man?” He said weakly.

“Spider… man?” Thor looked to his brother, who nodded in confirmation. “Can you turn into a spider?”

 

“No. But that would be really freaking cool.” Tony muttered something about regret and interns before lowering his head in his hands.

 

“How did you get your powers?” Thor looked intrigued. Loki just stared at him.

 

“And who are you?” the younger god asked. Bucky winced.

 

“And that’s a wrap for today, Spider Man has to go home, thank you folks.” Tony said, picking up Spider Man and flying him away, despite the spider’s protests. Steve turned to Bucky.

 

“What just happened?” Steve said, staring at his husband. Bucky just chuckled.

 

“That was just a demonstration of their two personalities in a nutshell.” He laughed as Steve’s face grew more confused. He slung an arm around his partner. “Let’s just go back to the tower, Stevie.” Steve let Bucky pull him away.

 

Thor and Loki stared at each other.

 

“Do you want to finish the police show?” Thor asked. Loki smirked.

 

“Thought you’d never ask.”

________________

 

  “But Mr Stark-” Peter started, following his mentor into the living room.

 

 “No. You’re grounded. Grounded by me, grounded by May, grounded by Pepper-”

 

“They’re on vacation, don’t bother them.” Tony sighed, massaging his temples.

 

“Peter-”

 

“I don’t think I did anything bad! I stayed far away from the glowy things-”

 

“Two inches isn’t far. You might as well have pressed gun to your head and said ‘have fun bad guy!’.”

 

“But Captain Rogers and Sergent Barnes saved me! I was fine!”

 

“What if they weren’t there, Peter?” Tony turned to the teen. “Huh? What if I didn’t get there in time and you were down there alone? You would have died, kid. You can’t die on me again. Not until I’m dead first.”

 

“But-”

 

“No buts. Grounded.” Peter scowled.

 

“Fine.” He stormed to his room, slamming the door behind him. Tony sighed again and readjusted a photo that got knocked out of place. It was just a selfie of him and Peter fooling around, but Tony framed it. He smiled at the memory.

 

 “Tony?” he turned around. Steve was standing in the doorway.

 

“What do you want, Mr United States. I’m not in the greatest of moods.” Steve nodded.

 

“I know.”

 

“Then why the hell are you here?”

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“Fuck off, Steve. I’m not in the mood.”

 

“It’s about Spider Man.” Tony froze.

 

“What about him?” Steve twisted his wedding ring.

 

“I need to know who he is.” Tony stared at him.

 

“No.” Steve sighed.

 

“Look, Tony-”

 

“Why do you even need to know who he is?”

 

“So we can protect him!”

 

“I assure you, your freedomness, that Spider Man is safe. Safer than anyone in New York. Safer than anyone in the world. Safer than anyone in the freaking galaxy! So rest assured. I will die before I let any more bad things happen to him. Got it?”

 

“Tony, it’s the Accords. Ross is after Spider Man.”

 

“What?” a soft voice said from the door. Both men whirled to the voice. Whirled to Peter, who looked as if he'd seen a ghost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki is Gina Linetti fight me
> 
> Also, as a gen z person, I personally call everyone a queen, so that's why Peter calls FRIDAY a queen.


	6. The Accords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So it's been a hot second since I've updated, huh? I'm sorry, I've just had quite a bit on my plate recently. Anyway, I saw Endgame, cried, got home, cried some more, and made some decisions about this story and Endgame. Kind of. More details in the end notes. Enjoy this chapter!! (Also sorry if the layout looks weird my computer broke so I’m posting this from my phone.)

 “What?” Peter breathed from the doorway. Both of his heros spun to him.

 

“Peter.” Tony said softly, reaching for him.

 

“Hello, Peter. Are you okay?” Steve asked, watching the boy. Peter nodded yes, and then changed it to a no. Steve nodded. “Do you need anything?” Peter just shook his head no. Steve nodded again. “Okay. Well I’m here if you need me, okay?” He patted Peter’s head and walked out of the room.

 

Peter and Tony just stood there staring at each other.

 

“What-” Peter’s voice broke. “Mr Stark?”

 

“Pete.” Tony couldn’t look at the kid without wanting to cry. Peter threw himself at his mentor and wrapped his arms around him with a whimper. Tony muttered reassurances into his hair.

 

“I’m sorry.” Peter pulled himself away and rubbed his eyes furiously.

 

“Don’t apologize, kid. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“I did, though. I got caught. Senator Dickwad is going to send me to the Raft.” Peter started to laugh hysterically. “Wow. I’m going to be put in shitty ocean jail for getting bit by a spider.”

 

“Kid, you’re not going anywhere with that asshole.”

 

Peter looked up at him, panicked.

 

“We don’t know that, Mr Stark. What if they find me? That leads them to the people I care about!  What’s going to happen to May? And Ned and MJ and you and Pepper and-“

 

“Peter.” Peter looked up at him. Tears shone in his eyes. “You’re not going anywhere. No one will ever hurt you, got it?” Peter nodded slowly. Tony pulled the teen closer. “You’re going to stay here and leave legos for me to step on and geek out over Star Trek and send me into cardiac arrest every time you make a decision.”

 

“But what about everyone else?” Tony stared at him.

 

“Peter, I don’t think you realize who you’re dealing with. Rhodey’s coming in today, and May and Pepper are coming home. Between the three of them, I don’t even think I’ll be able to lay a hand on that douche.” That got a giggle. Tony smiled.  

 

“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. I’d fly there with Rhodey to find Pepper and May already there, Pepper stabbing him with one of her very expensive Louboutin stilettos-” Peter laughed for real. “And May attacking him with that god awful walnut-date bread, then Rhodey’s going to step in and punch him a couple of times before I blast off his head for threatening my kid.” Peter squeezed him tighter. He sniffled, letting Tony wipe his tears away. Peter buried his face in Tony’s chest.

 

“Love you tons, kid.”

 

“Love you 3000, Mr Stark.” Peter said, resting his face on the arc reactor. Tony smiled and ruffled his hair.

\------------------

 

    “Loki?” Thor asked, putting down a book. “Did you read this?” Loki shrugged.

 

“What book is it?” He asked, sitting up. Thor handed it to him. “Little Women? I did. Quite enjoyable. Why?”

 

“I had a question about it.” Thor said, taking it back from his brother. He looked at the floor.

 

“You do realize that I can’t read your mind at the moment.” Thor looked up with tears in his eyes.

 

“Does Beth die?” Loki winced.

 

“Well, I can’t-”

 

“No! Beth can’t die!” Thunder boomed in the sky. Loki glared at his brother.

 

“Can you please get your emotions in order so I can read peacefully?” he said, opening up his book. Thor stuck his tongue out at him.

 

 “You two are actual children.” Natasha said from the corner. Both men screamed.

 

“How long have you been there?” Thor asked. Loki threw the book at her. She caught it easily.

 

“About an hour. You two argue a lot.” Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“What do you want?” He said, summoning a knife out of thin air. Natasha didn’t even blink.

 

“Just one thing.” She leaned closer to them. “Do you know who Spider Man is?” Thor and Loki shared a glance.

 

“Why?” Thor said uneasily. “Is he bad?”

 

“No. Ross is looking for him and we’re trying to protect him.”  The gods stared at her.

 

“Who?” Loki asked. Nat sighed.

 

“Right, you weren’t in Germany.” The gods continued to stare at her. She sighed again. “Okay, so there was a fight between Cap and Tony about whether Superheroes should have limits. It would force vigilanties to reveal their identities and a lot of other inhumane stuff that we didn’t really know about until it was to late.” Darkness crept over her face for a split second before it disappeared. “So, Germany happened, then shit went down in Siberia. After the snap, we thought it was over. Then Ross-”

 

“Who is-”

 

“He’s a dick. He unfortunately came back from the stone and started this whole thing again, though illegally. I’m sure he’s working for Hydra, but I can’t prove it. And now, he doesn’t care about the other people’s lives that he’s ruined. He only wants Spider Man to do tests on and stuff.”

 

“But Spider Man was so nice!” Thor shouted. Thunder boomed.

 

“Thor. If you make a hurricane again I will stab you with my angry knife.” Loki hissed. “And although he is idiotic-”

 

“Hey!”

 

“My brother does pose a point. Why would Ross want anything to do with Spider Man?” Nat shrugged.

 

“I think he wants to make Spider Man into another brainwashed soldier. Like the Winter Soldier.”

 

“The Winter Soldier? Who is-”

 

“Why wasn’t I invited to this Germany fight? You all know how much I love fighting!” Natasha sighed.

 

“Thor, we didn’t know what side you’d be on. Also, when we called you, you said to send a raven. Which wasn’t really helpful.” Thor pouted. Loki snickered. Nat rolled her eyes. “You two are gods. Why don’t you act like it.” She spat and stormed out. Thor and Loki looked at each other.

 

“Oof”. Thor said.

 

“What?” Loki stared at him.

“Peter taught me. He said to say ‘oof’ if I’m ever at a loss for words.” He dodged the knife his brother threw at him.

 

\--------------------

 

    “Tones? Kid?” Rhodey called, walking into Tony’s lab later in the day.

 

“We’re over here.” Tony called back. Rhodey found them huddled in a corner, surrounded by blankets and snickers wrappers. He stared at them, confused.

 

“What the hell happened ?” He asked, pulling over a chair.

 

“Ross happened.” Tony snarled. Rhodey continues to stare at them.

 

“Can you elaborate? Cause I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Peter smiled, then nodded to Tony, who proceeded to tell Rhodey everything. At the end, Rhodey looked shocked. And horrified. And beyond pissed. He turned to Peter and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I promise, I’m going to fix this for you, kid.” Peter smiled up at him.

 

“Thanks, Rhodey.” Tony gaped at the teen.

 

“He’s Rhodey? Can I please be Tony?” Peter laughed.

 

“He paid me to call him that.” He smirked, giving Rhodes a high five. “Forever.” Tony groaned and unwrapped another snickers bar. Rhodey ripped it away from him.

 

“Have you two eaten any real food today?” He asked, carefully wrapping the bar back up. Tony and Peter stared at him.

 

“Do tears count?” Peter asked, raising his hand. “Cause I’ve had quite a few of those.” The adults stared at him, horrified.

 

“Holy shit that was the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” Rhodey whispered.

 

“No, he didn’t have real food.” Tony replied, giving Peter a pointed look before dropping an arm around his shoulders. Rhodey smiled.

 

“Okay. We can fix that.” He pulled out his phone. “Are you guys okay with Chinese?” They nodded.

 

“You might have to order extra.” Peter grimaced. Rhodey looked up from his phone.

 

“Sure. I know about the super spider metabolism. How much?” Peter and Tony shared a look.

 

“How does at least four of everything on the menu sound?” Tony replied giving Peter a squeeze. “We have a meeting to plan.”

________________

 

    “Tony?” Steve poked his head out of the conference room door. He sighed and shut it. “He’s late.”

 

“Isn’t he always?” Bruce asked, cleaning his glasses.

 

“Can we please just start this without him?” Clint begged, grabbing a takeout box. Nat swiped it away from him.

 

“No. We can’t.” She said, glaring at her best friend.

 

“Yes. You can.” Tony said, throwing the door open and waltzing in dramatically.

 

“Everytime we have a meeting he has to make the entrance.” Clint rolled his eyes. “Every fucking time.”

 

“He’s just extra.” Thor said, rolling his eyes. He turned and whispered to Peter. “Did I use that correctly?” Peter smiled and nodded.

 

“Why’d you call us here, Tony?” Steve asked with a sigh. Bucky squeezed his hand.

 

“Well,” Tony said, sliding into the seat between Peter and Rhodey. “I have some information that I’m sure you’ll all appreciate. First things first,” He waved a box in the air. ”Does anyone want some fried rice?”

 

“Yes!” Clint cried, launching across the table and grabbing the box out of Tony’s hand and two pairs of chopsticks. Smirking, he sat back down next to Natasha, handed her a pair of chopsticks and dug in.

 

“Stark.” Loki groaned, leaning back in his chair. “What is the purpose of this meeting?” Tony cleared his throat.

 

“Spiderman.” Everyone’s attention snapped to him. “I know who he is.”

 

“Who is he?” Bruce asked. “Do we know him?”

 

“Before I tell you, I need you all to promise me something.” Tony took a deep breath and squeezed Peter’s hand under the table. “I wouldn’t ask you all to do this if it wasn’t important. You need to protect Spiderman with your lives. No one lays a hand on him. In any situation, our ultimate goal is his safety. This is non negotiable. Do you understand?”

 

Every one mumbled something along the lines of ‘yes’. Some people (Clint, Tony thought) made their agreements more creative.

 

“Okay. Deal.” Tony sighed. He looked at Peter, who nodded and stood up.

 

 “Hi guys.” He waved. “I’m Spiderman.” Tony squeezed his hand gently as he sat back down.

 

Thunder rumbled outside.

 

“I’m sorry.” Bruce said, pushing his hands out in front of him as if he was trying to push away what he just heard, “Can you repeat that quickly? Because I’m pretty sure that you Peter, a child, just said that you were Spiderman.” Peter shrugged.

 

“Sure. I’m Spiderman. Did it make you feel better?” Bruce buried his face in his hands.

 

“Who else knows?” Natasha asked, glaring at him. Peter winced and looked away.

 

“Uh, Mr Stark, Rhodey, Pepper, Happy, my aunt, my friends, Bucky-”

 

“Bucky?” Steve asked, confusion crossing over his face. He turned to Bucky. “How?‘

 

“Soul Stone.” Bucky shrugged. “I told you earlier.” Steve turned to Peter.

 

“Is that why you called yourself spicy?” Peter blushed.

 

“Maybe?” He looked down sheepishly. “I just kind of panicked.”

 

“How’d you get your powers?” Clint asked, opening another takeout box.

 

“Bitten by a radioactive spider.” Clint nodded.

 

“Sounds cool.” Peter shrugged.

 

“Eh. Hurt like hell but the results were cool.” Tony sighed and massaged his forehead. Loki’s eyes widened suddenly.

 

“Is that how you got shot?” He hissed. Lightning hit the building, making the lights flicker.

 

“You got shot?” Bruce looked up, horrified. “You’re Tony’s kid. Of course you did.”

 

“We’re not related.” Peter and Tony said at the same time. Thor stood up suddenly and grabbed Peter shoulders.

 

“I swear to you, young Parker, that I will protect you with my life. Nothing bad will ever happen to you in any realm.” Peter smiled.

 

“Thanks, Thor, but you don’t have to do that. I’m pretty self sufficient.” Tony snorted.

 

“Kid, I love you, but you’re not self sufficient.” he said. “Remember when you got stabbed?”  Peter smirked.

 

“Which time?” He replied.  

 

“Oh my god.” Bruce mumbled. “It happened more than once?”  Peter smiled sheepishly.

 

“Wow,” Bucky laughed. “You are a mini Steve. A reckless dumbass with a heart of gold.” He smiled. Peter smiled back. Tony clapped his hands together, drawing everyone’s attention back to him.

 

“Okay, if any of you are interested, we will be hosting ‘Peter’s Safety Meetings’ here once every month. May, Pepper, Happy, Rhodey and Loki are already members. So? Who’s in?” Everyone raised their hands. Peter buried his face in his.

 

“You guys are going a bit crazy with the whole ‘Protect Peter at all costs’ plan.” Peter rolled his eyes. “I can defend myself.” Tony looked up at him.

 

“I know, kiddo. And I believe in you. It’s just-” He closed his eyes. “I lost you.” He said simply, refusing to meet Peter’s eyes. “And I did everything to get you back. But I refuse to lose you again.” Peter couldn’t breathe.

 

“You can do this, Queens.” Steve said with a smile. “But it’s okay for some help every so often.” He squeezed Bucky’s hand. “If you’re ever in any trouble of any kind, you can call any person in this room and someone will show up to help in a second.”

 

“You can call about anything.” Bruce added. “Although I think we’d prefer if it didn’t have to be ‘oops, I’ve got a knife in my abdomen’ situation.” He paused to think. “Please tell me that hasn’t happened before?” Peter shrugged.

 

“It’s okay. I’m a fast healer.” Tony took a deep breath.

 

“That can not be your excuse for every injury. I’ve got heart problems, kid.” Peter laughed.

 

“I’ve got to say,” Rhodey interrupted. “You guys are taking this much better than we thought you would.”

 

“Really?” Bruce asked incredulously. “Because I’m freaking out.” Tony clapped his hands.

 

“Well, that concludes our meeting. To sum up, Peter is Spiderman, his protection is our top priority-” Lightning cracked through the sky. “And Thor needs some therapy because he can’t cause power outages everytime Peter does something.” Both Asgardians glared at him. “Any questions?” Clint raised his hand. Tony sighed. “What?”

 

“Are you sure you two aren’t related?” Tony rolled his eyes and pulled Peter out of the room. Thor and Loki followed them out.

 

“So?” Rhodey asked. “Who wants some food?” Natasha smiled.

 

“Thought you’d never ask”

—————————

 

   “Mr Stark?” Peter asked as they were walking out of the conference room. “Are you okay?” Tony didn’t respond, just motioned for Peter to follow him. “Uh.. Mr Stark? Is this because I won’t call you Ton-” Peter was cut off by Tony pulling him to his chest.

 

“I’m sorry you had to tell them, kid. I know you didn’t want to.” Tony said finally. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t want you to either.” Peter shrugged, squeezing Tony back.

 

“It’s okay. I’m not that scared anymore.” Tony stared at him. “Okay, I lied. I’m terrified.” His mentor chuckled and hugged Peter tighter.

 

“Stark.” Thor said, startling Peter and Tony.

 

“Holy shit, Al Roker.” Tony clutched his chest. “I have heart problems.”

 

“We know.” Loki stepped out from behind his brother. “You mention that every time Peter opens his mouth.” He smirked.

 

“Not every time.” Peter mumbled. Thunder crashed through the sky. Peter and Tony shared a look. “Mr Thor? Are you o-” He was cut off by Thor gripping his shoulders. Rain pounded against the building.

 

“Please don’t die.” Thor whispered, pulling Peter into a rib crushing hug. “You’re my friend’s son-”

 

“Mr Thor-”

 

”Which makes you part of my family and my family is not allowed to die.”

 

“Yeah. Okay. No dying.” Peter said once he was able to breathe again. “I’m sorry.”  

 

“Do not apologize, young Parker.” Loki pulled his brother back. Peter stared at him.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, scanning his face. Sure enough, Loki was trying to hide his anger unsuccessfully.

 

“I’m fine.” Loki replied, moving his face so Peter couldn’t scrutinize him.

 

“No you’re not. I can read you.” Loki scoffed.

 

“No one can read me. I am a master of illusions. My brother can’t even-”

 

“Yes, I can.” Thor smirked from his new spot in the corner. “It’s really easy.” Loki glared at him.

 

“Fine.” He spat, more at his brother than Peter. “I’m upset. And as disgusted at myself as I am with this-“ he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I care about you and your well-being. A rather unfortunate fact because you seem to make worse decisions than my stupid brother.”

 

“What stupid decision have I made, Loki?” Thor rolled his eyes. Loki laughed.

 

“Remember when we were eight and you picked up a snake and got upset when it didn’t want to be picked up so it bit you?”

 

“Stabbed. It stabbed me. And that snake was you in a disguise.”

 

“Please, you lived.”

 

“Don’t you dare talk to me about living, Loki. You died 3 times!” Peter and Tony shared a look.

 

“Uh..guys?” Peter interrupted, but the gods ignored him.

 

“4 times, Thor. I died 4 times.” Loki spat. “ And if you’re going to use that against me, get it right.” Thor laughed, but it was kind of the laugh that people laugh when they’re losing their minds which didn’t make Peter feel better.

 

“Right. Because the fact that you died once in front of me isn’t traumatic enough.”

 

“I died to save you at least twice!”

 

“You think that makes me feel better?”

 

“Well-“ Loki was cut off by Peter wrapping his arms around him and giving him a hug. “Oh. This is happening again.” Peter laughed.

 

“Brother.” Thor said, squeezing Loki’s shoulder Loki smiled.

 

“I promise not to die. Peter needs an attractive guardian as his mentor after all.” Thor laughed.

 

“I know. I’m already here.”

 

“Hi, Frosty the Snowman?” Tony pulled Peter away from the god. “I’m Peter’s mentor. The attractive billionaire.” The Asgardians shrugged.

 

“Sure. If you want to think that you can.” Thor scoffed. Tony glared at him.

 

“I actually think Pepper’s my mentor.” Peter smirked. Tony glared at him.

 

“If you say something like that again you’re out of my will.” He said, walking away. Peter laughed, than stopped suddenly.

 

“Wait, I was in the will?” He started to chase after his mentor when Thor called his name. He turned around to face him.

 

“Please be careful, Man if Spiders.” He said, smiling. Peter paused, then wrapped both Asgardians into a huge hug.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered, and for the first time that day, Peter wasn’t afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun reading all of your comments! Thank you so much! Anyway, this story won't have Endgame spoilers for now. I'll wait a couple of weeks maybe. 
> 
> __-__-_ENDGAME SPOILERS BELOW THIS POINT BEWARE_-__-__
> 
> Okay, so in this universe, Endgame happened, but some details are different. 
> 
> 1\. Steve is young  
> 2\. Tony and Pepper aren't married and Morgan doesn't exist  
> 3\. Nat and Tony are alive (I'm upset that I even have to write that sentence)  
> 4\. Loki is also alive  
> 5\. Bruce isn't stuck as hulk 
> 
> Cool. So that's done. I'm going to re watch Endgame and cry.


End file.
